1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

OK, ladies, what's your frickin problem?

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by bigpern23, Jan 13, 2008.

  1. bigpern23

    bigpern23 Well-Known Member

    Guys hear the complaint all the time. It's as though women are bred to make it. It's the silliest damn thing I've ever heard and, yet, it bugs every last woman, girl and post-op transexual I know.


    You've all said it. You've all meant it. You've all apparently been unobservant enough to have felt the icy waters pucker up your taint. And you've all gotten mad at us for doing it.

    Well, you know what, I have a complaint for you all.


    It seems like every girl I know, when she's had a few drinks and knows she won't be able to make it through one cycle of ESPN news without squatting at least twice, decides it's somehow OK to leave gobs of toilet paper floating around for the next visitor to stare at. If we're lucky, it's just white. If we're not, well, let's just say polar bear kills on the Discovery Channel are about the only thing that's red and white that I want to see.

    Now, I know why this doesn't bother you girls. After all, you can barely be troubled look and see if the seat is down to avoid dipping your lovely bits in feces infested waters. But for us guys, we go in and have to look down and stare at whatever might be left behind.

    Sure, it can provide a bit of diversion as we see if our piss stream is strong enough to completely disintegrate the offensive, urine-soaked clouds of cleanliness. But, really, we only do that to distract ourselves from wondering things like whether you at least wiped front to back. Frankly, it's disturbing to wonder about such things with your hog in hand and a pretty girl in the next room.

    So I stand now before you, feet shoulder width apart, begging that we come to some kind of accord. We'll put the seat down. We will. I swear. But for god sakes, flush. Don't leave anything behind thinking we'll enjoy the target practice. We go outside for that. Hell, I've bull's eyed womp rats like I was in a T-16 before, but they seem much more sanitary than some of the stuff you all leave behind.

    It is my dream that one day girls will be able to sit without looking and guys will be able to stand without looking at your sanitary goods.

    :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X
  2. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    Next time she does this, just leave a gift behind for her the next time you take a shit. Sinker or floater -- it doesn't matter, she'll get the point.
  3. Walter_Sobchak

    Walter_Sobchak Active Member

    I'd like to show this to my roommate. Unfortunately, he's male.
  4. Flash

    Flash Guest

    That's disgusting. I always flush. Sometimes twice ... because sometimes you have to.
  5. sportschick

    sportschick Active Member

    I flush, that is all.
  6. dooley_womack1

    dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

    Well, you need to hang with a better class of post-op transsexual then.
  7. Tom Petty

    Tom Petty Guest

    way to take a stand, pern.
  8. Sam Mills 51

    Sam Mills 51 Active Member

    "Don't take sh_t from nobody!"

    -Billy Joel ... modernized by bigpern ...

    (Well done! ;D)
  9. Tom Petty

    Tom Petty Guest

    solid as always, sam.
  10. mike311gd

    mike311gd Active Member

    Toilet stories are always worth the time it takes to read them. And who doesn't enjoy a good game of target practice?
  11. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    Especially if she's sleeping and its on her chest.
  12. Riddick

    Riddick Active Member

    Back in high school, one of the hottest chicks in school was hanging out with us at a buddy's house. She goes into the bathroom and comes out, and we figure no big deal.
    Then, a friend goes in and calls us all in there to discover a huge log.
    We thought maybe it was some leftover from "the mother load."
    Now, I just don't know.
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page