Obfuscating language

Another one from the business world that sends me on a rant: "Signage." (As in "We invested thousands of dollars with a branding firm to update our signage.")

Uh... you means "signs," asshole.

 

I posted this on the journalism thread a while back, and it turned into quite a discussion, but I still hate the term "layoffs" when companies cut people.

To me, when I was a kid, "layoffs" meant temporary cuts, where, either if the struggling business improved they would bring people back. Or that they were planned to be temporary, as in someone knew was getting laid off, but they would be back by next season.

Somewhere over the last 30 years or so, businesses began using that term for permanent cuts, in part, so the workers would be able to save some face. But at the same time, it seems like the company uses that term to save face with the public as well.

 

You just became my wife's favorite poster.

 

Has anyone mentioned "facilitate" yet?

Facilitate this.

 

Deliverables.

 

It's much worse for them. They have to listen to you.

 

"Learnings"

I shit you not, my first job out of journalism was in-house marketing and everyone said stuff like "the learnings from that meeting" or "we wrote down many of the learnings from our discussion." I've never been on an actual murderous rage, but I came close hearing our VP say that over and over in a division meeting.

Once I got a little higher up in the division, I started a monthly newsletter called "Use Words Better" designed to correct some of the common mistakes I saw in copy and emails. First on the list was "learnings." I believe that entry went like this:

Learnings: This is not a word. The word you want to use is "lessons." Use that instead. It means the same thing and is actually a word.

 

Your humble correspondent follows this rule when he finds himself in meetings: "Shut the fuck up and maybe this won't last so long."

The STFU strategy is always worth considering. You might give it a try sometime.

 

Heal thyself, doctor!

 

I hate it when people use "takeaways" in the sense of, "what are the takeaways from this meeting?"

 

Why do people write "prior to" when they say "before" in conversation?

 

Only you* could fuck up a pretty good zinger like that. It was teed up for you ... and you fouled it weakly down the first-base line. Maybe you shouldn't have been promoted from tee ball so quickly.




*Well, no, that's incorrect. There are a few others down there on the "special needs" end of the distribution who would fuck it up, too.