Need help taking NFL stats.

Hey guys, here is my gamer I just wrote. Tell me what you think.

110th Meeting between Army and Navy
Coming into the December 12th match up, Navy knows that they have owned Army with a record of 54-49-7 all-time and have won the last 7 meetings. Well, make that 8. Navy defeated the Black Knights of Army 17-3 on Saturday. Army really wanted this win, as it would've put them in the EagleBank bowl to play Temple. That will now go to UCLA. Navy, on the other hand, will play in the Texas bowl on December 31st against Missouri. Navy goes to 9-4 led by their talented quarterback, Ricky Dobbs. Dobbs became a huge part in this game with 174 total yards and 2 touchdowns. One of those being a rushing touchdown that gives Dobbs 24 for the season. He passes Tim Tebow and Chance Harridge for the most rushing touchdowns as a quarterback in one season.

Army got on the board first with a field goal by Alex Carlton as the first quarter expired. The defense played really well in the first, holding Navy scoreless. But, Navy got the ball back at the start of the second half and drove downfield that led to a 25 yard touchdown pass to Marcus Curry. Navy added a field goal right before the 4th quarter to take the lead 10-3.

A couple of made field goals and better execution, and Army is in this. But Army couldn't capitalize on anything.

While this is one of, if not the biggest rivalries in college football, many players say it's like "playing against your brother." There is a great show of respect after the game, as both team's alma mater's are played.

 

Just a couple small style notes:


Navy/Army are its, not theys or thems.


Midshipmen/Cadets are theys.


Also, the first numbers in your story should be the score of the game. Most of the time it should be the only number in the first graf, just to avoid confusion.

 

Thanks for the help. This is just my first football gamer, so I need to learn and study more. I'm only 16.

 

Oh I know you're only 16. Everything offered was constructive.


After I read your story further, it seems like most of the key factual elements were there. Some of the writing could be tightened up.

A couple of the paragraphs to be backed up with quotes, but of course, you didn't have access to that.

 

Here's a very basic gamer, similar to what AP may give you. I did this in about two minutes. For publication, I would have fine tuned it a bit more. But it can give you a general idea.


Quarterback Ricky Dobbs helped power Navy to a 17-3 victory over Army in the annual battle between the military service academies.
Dobbs ran for 113 yards and two touchdowns. He also threw for 61 yards as the Midshipmen won their eighth straight over Army, denying the Black Knights their first bowl bid in 13 years.



Obviously, I only wrote the lead and would have expounded on Dobbs with quotes and tying Tebow's record.


Take a read of the AP gamer that was on Yahoo and compare it to yours. That's a way to get better. Lots of reading.
Obviously, you're just starting out, but reading all types of material, as well as writing, helps you learn.


http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/recap?gid=200912120102&prov=ap

 

The first paragrapgh should never be more than 30 words. Some publications wave this rule, but I like it.

Your first two paragraphs should tell the reader what happened and make them want to read the rest of your story.