NASCAR Christmas column

I realize this is very unconventional. It was an attempt to write using a different approach. Maybe too different. You be the judge.

Christmas at the Hendricks, a bounty to behold;
But underneath the Christmas tree, a tempest did unfold.
Bitter words exchanged, egos on the mend;
NASCAR drivers said many things to insult and to offend.
Jimmie earned the glory, Jeff among the slighted;
Casey deemed the lucky, Dale the uninvited.
Owner Rick did his best to ease the pain, distributing what joy he could.
But little did he know his merry gifts would be misunderstood.

Christmas at Hendrick Motorsports: A one-act play

Rick: Casey, you look a little down. Didn’t you get what you wanted for Christmas?
Casey: I did. But I only got one gift.
Jeff: You got that right!
Rick: It was the biggest present under the tree: The Coca-Cola 600. No one else here won a bigger race than that.
Casey: Yeah, but it was only one. I wanted more.
Jimmie: Stop your whining already. You’re were lucky to win that one. Look at poor Dale over there. He didn’t win any.
Dale: Still most popular though.
Jeff: Weren’t you supposed to bring the beer?
Dale: Oops! That kind of fell through.
Jeff: I hope that’s not a sign of things to come.
Rick: Cool it, you two. This is supposed to be a pleasant visit.
Dale: Just happy to be here, Rick.
Rick: You look a little down, too, Dale. What’s the matter with your gifts? You got the 88 from Robert Yates, a new race car, new team. What more could you want?
Dale: Something from Teresa would have been nice.
Rick: Look, your stepmom wasn’t going to give you her team. She wasn’t going to give you the 8. But look at it this way. Now you have two 8s. And your new team should be twice as good.
Dale: It’s still not the same.
Jeff: I don’t know what you two are complaining about. You didn’t get robbed ... again. What do I have to do to win another championship? This happened when that punk Kurt Busch won. Now Jimmie. I was robbed. Mugged, beaten and robbed!
Rick: No one robbed you. Jimmie won the Chase, fair and square.
Jeff: Stupid Chase. I hate playoffs and I hate Jimmie.
Jimmie: Don’t blame me. I didn’t set up the system.
Jeff: I hate Brian France. I hate Fox. I hate ESPN. I hate Darrell Waltrip.
Rick: What did Darrell do to you?
Jeff: Nothing, really. I was just on a roll there.
Rick: Look, you had a great year. Six wins is a great season. Jimmie just had a better season, the kind of seasons you used to have.
Jeff: What’s that supposed to mean? Jimmie’s your favorite driver now? Remember I found him. He wouldn’t even be driving for you if it wasn’t for me. He’s mine, mine I tell you.
Jimmie: I don’t belong to anyone, except Chandra.
Jeff: Oh, stop it already. We all know you have the most perfect life of any NASCAR driver.
Jimmie: I’m not perfect.
Rick: That’s right. Jimmie’s just one of the guys here. Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas, Jimmie?
Jimmie: Now that you mention it, I think I want my own shop.
Rick: What?! You and Jeff are a team. One can’t survive without the other. That’s how things work around here.
Jimmie: I think Jeff is holding me back. I could have won a couple more races last year if it weren’t for Jeff.
Jeff: Holding you back? If it wasn’t for your team, my crew chief wouldn’t have gotten suspended for six races.
Jimmie: Not that it mattered.
Jeff: To you maybe. I got the green crew chief. I’m working without a net out there half the time. I’m surprised I finished six races last year, let alone win six.
Rick: You don’t mean that. This is getting way out of hand. Let’s all take our gifts and go spend time with our families. We’ll all have time to talk about racing in February at Daytona.
Jimmie: Can’t wait.
Jeff: Just make sure you double-check your windows. Don’t want to see a repeat of what happened a couple years ago.
Jimmie: Always living in the past, aren’t you?
Jeff: One day you will too, kid.

 

walking....away.....slowwwwly. ???

 

I like it. I'm also a NASCAR fan, which I'm assuming is your audience. I think most of that audience would think it's a funny piece.

 

I did a NASCAR Christmas piece for my column in a truck mag a couple of years ago. It was a little corny but I had fun writing it.

 

Jeff Gordon called someone a kid. Damn I'm getting old.

 

Mr Mutant,

One thing missing and it would have helped: Stage directions.

e.g. Turn left. Exit.

Setting would have helped.

YD&OHS, etc