My wife is going vegan

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She says you're wrong.

 

I agree with her. You're wrong.

 

You should feed her veal as she sleeps...

 

Mmmmm ... protein.

 

Is that the Single Bypass Burger or the Extra-Meaty Bypass Burger?

Looks yummy.

 

Wow.

Humorless doesn't even begin to encapsulate it.

 

Hardee's/Carl's Jr. presents the Six-Dollar Burger. Easily the best fast-food burger there is.

 

Between Doc's post and my Ron White quotes, you can say that again.

 

My son was diagnosed with a milk allergy this summer (then another test came back negative so we don't know what the hell is up), so for a few weeks, he had to eat some vegan stuff like vegan cheese.

I told Queencreole that anything we had to buy special for him we had to try too. That vegan cheese? Nastiest tasting stuff you could ever try. I nearly cried tears of joy when Princecreole's allergy skin test came back negative. The first thing I did when we got home was throw away that block of vegan cheese ... and order pizza with extra cheese.

 

I meant to comment our your Whiteisms, but I forgot.

You ever get drunk and forget? Happened to me.

 

This pisses me off even now, five years later. ...

For about a year, my ex-girlfriend decided to get all trendy and become a vegetarian. I didn't think she'd be able to pull it off, considering her love for hamburgers, chicken wings, meat sauce on her pasta -- as well as the cock, in particular the members of other men not named Mike (though I didn't find out that until later).

Much to my surprise, she was able to do it. She gave up going to Wing Night at the hometown sports bar we frequented and she switched to salads along with taking the proper supplements. It didn't really impact my eating habits, thankfully. When she made pasta, we went without the meat sauce, and I was cool with it. I figured, if she's going to feed me, I won't bitch about it.

I was very cool with what she was doing ... until one awful evening. We went on a double date with a couple good friends of mine, and she and I ordered a big plate of nachos -- my favorite appetizer. I looked at her before I ordered and asked the waitress to bring us an order of nachos sans meat; I looked at the girlfriend so she'd see the pain in my eyes, and she was appreciative later. And she fucking needed to be. Because when the waitress came back, she set down the world's most glorious-looking nacho platter -- complete with cheese, lettuce, sour cream and hot peppers. Unfortunately, all those toppings were covering the ground beef.

I called the waitress back and, again, looked at the girlfriend and said -- with my eyes affixed on the short, blond bitch -- "We can't eat this because she's a vegetarian." And off the glorious-looking nacho platter went. It was fucking heart-breaking.

The kicker? We broke up a few months later and she began to eat meat again -- hamburgers, chicken wings, meat sauce on her pasta and all the cock in the fucking state of New York.

Fucking vegetarians.

 

If she really loved meat sauce on cock, I'd say you got off easy.

(Even if you didn't get off, um, like that.)