My Little Buddy is moving away Update: He's gone.

I thought of titling this thread, "Depression, Part whatever," but I forget how many threads there have been on the subject.

I have a feeling, though, that depression is about to unleash its fury like never before.

My ex-wife is moving her and our son halfway across the country at the end of the month.

Her family is in Oregon and she can't find a job here. Me? I hated Oregon with a passion. Almost no thunderstorms, almost no snow in the valley, and all it does is rain for nine months of the year. Not to mention said ex-wife's ogre of a step-father is still alive. Thus, I would be breaking a vow never to return until I can stomp on his grave.

Since our daughter is playing college soccer two hours away, it's going to be one hell of a Christmas this year.

The only good thing about it is that it frees me up to move wherever the hell I want. He was the only thing keeping me where I'm at.

Come to think of it, he may have been the only thing keeping me sane. Stay tuned.

 

Re: My Little Buddy is moving away

Good luck, Harley, and, while weather is important, your son's welfare is most important. Try to find a job near him, even if it's in a state bordering Oregon. At least, you'd be in driving distance, rather than halfway across the country.

 

Re: My Little Buddy is moving away

Hang in there buddy, if you need anyone to talk to send me a message, and I'll be glad to listen.

Wrestling fans have to stick together :-D

 

Re: My Little Buddy is moving away

I'm familiar with the scenario, and you have my deepest sympathy.
You will receive tons of advice from elsewhere, so I offer up one bit of my own.
In addition to modern methods of communication, write snail mail letters regularly to Little Buddy.
They are tangible bits of you he can hold and connect to, save, re-read.
In my experience, they are better outlets to help him get to know and understand just who his father is as he grows than sometimes awkward phone calls and emails etc.
Think of it as a serial book of your life, that replaces the physical observation children see when they are present. Once a week, once every two weeks, you describe your life and the thought processes you went through that helps form the child's moral compass.
Your relationship with your adult child will eventually supercede -- and become more fulfilling - than the one a father has when they are children. Work toward that and the reward that will come when he is able to determine his own path.
I wish you the best of luck.

 

Re: My Little Buddy is moving away

Try to get a job as close to him as possible. If you're a long distance away, even the best of intentions could result in a negative impact on your relationship with him.

Best of luck.

 

He left today.

I feel like part of me has died.

 

Ugh. Sorry, man. Can't imagine life without my little dude.

Apologies if this has been touched on before, but how old is he?

 

Almost 14 and autistic. And the joy of my life.

 

I'm sorry, Harley. I can't imagine how that must feel.

 

i'm not a dad, which is one of the biggest disappointments of my life, but i just couldn't imagine. this just really sucks. hang in there.

 

Harley, if you were to find a job and be able to move closer, would your ex have an issue with your visiting him? I don't know how badly this split was - none of them are good - but in some cases, former spouses don't play the children as pawns in their little chess games.

If she would accept some conditions of visitation, explore the possibilities of moving somewhere nearby. If not, it might invite only trouble even with your best intentions. Speaking from first-hand experience ...

I can't beging to feel the pain you must be going through. Best of luck and don't be a stranger here. If nothing else, the advice of letters upthread is an excellent one.

 

We're still on friendly terms.

Basically, she moved to be with her mother because she couldn't find a job here. She and three other teachers were let go because they were up for tenure, and replaced with fresh-out-of-college teachers.

Her minivan was repo'd and, without a job or car, had little choice.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I hated Oregon with a pink and purple passion and never wanted to step foot into the state again, at least as long as her step-father is alive.

I'll see how the rest of the year plays out and go from there. Maybe find me a sugar mama who can afford to fly me out there for a visit.