My lead from tonight...

Some criticism here i found valuable, some I didn't; and for all his crustiness, I do value his opinion more than others. Not just here.

 

I saw what you tried to do with this and applaud the effort, but like my baseball coach says, at the end of the day, it's all about execution, and some of what you wrote didn't quite work for me.

But, that's just me. Some folks might like the music lyrics, I just never heard them. And I felt some of the terminology - as already mentioned by others - didn't quite work either.

Like someone once told me in the Writer's Workshop here when I tried to get away with an ego boost only to get cut down....did you want a pat on the back and "Good job" or honest criticism? If it was more about getting the first....which you kind of imply with your first post in the thread....

....then email it to your mom.

Sorry to sound mean. I'm not a mean guy. But in my experience, this is the place for the picking apart of errors, not the lauding of attempts at creativity, unless said creativity warrants lauding.

This, friend, just didn't quite warrant that.

 

bookmark.

 

Upon reading this, your writing does seem to over emphasize clichés.

I realize it seems jarring to write 3-pointer more than once. Sometimes, however, there's only one way to say something without sounding hackneyed or overwritten.