My dad - can anyone top this?

You also have this guy beat.



"My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking - I suggest you try it."

 

This thread makes me want to go hug my dad, who is awesome.

 

I'm going to apologize to you for laughing at that.

 

I saw my father for the last time when I was 8. He died when I was 15.

And now my stepfather is going through health-related hell.

In other words, poin, sorry that your father is like that but at least he's around - both mentally and physically - to give him crap about it.

 

Three thoughts:

I echo what Rick said. I'm going to hug my dad the next time I see him.

I feel for you, poin. My dad didn't get along at all with his dad, to the point where he didn't even go to his dad's funeral. Do not let it get that far. You don't have to let your dad make you miserable by spending too much time with him, but don't let him make you miserable after he's gone, either. Spend some time, etc. Sounds like you're doing that. So all you can do now is laugh.

Last, I want to drink beer with kokane's dad.

 

Trust me, I am not miserable (shaddup!) - I just feel venting, like a coors light aluminum can.

My dad called me the day of his mom's funeral.... he wasn't going, because some despised family member was going... I told him he would regret it. He ended up going... and stood alone, 50 yards down the hill - and didn't go to the get together afterward.... just to prove a point.

 

sorry Poin, but you're dad sounds pretty funny.

 

May I book him for my next Vegas trip?

 

I can only top him with my sister. My dad is a good dad and an even better papaw.

 

This was the text after they got home from Vegas. Note the sarcasm:

(Me), JUST GVOTG HOME THANK YOU..........

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Dexter,

Your dad sounds like a riot in small doses. I have a hard time imagining him as a disciplinarian, though. Just someone who wants the world to work his way.

If you can accept him as that, maybe you'd get some enjoyment out of him.

 

I love my old man, though he can be a bit goofy.

Worst thing he ever did intentionally (though he claims it was all a big mistake) was to stop for gas on vacation in California one time... in Watts.

He says he didn't know where he was, and only found out afterward when hightailing it out of there, when he saw the sign on the other side of the highway. I suspect otherwise.