Mr. Nice Guy Does Not Get the Ladies....

"So how's the Beaver?"

 

http://xkcd.com/513/

Many "nice guys" think that pretending to be a woman's friend for ulterior motivations counts as being a "nice guy."

 

Amen, brother. You probably are a nice guy - I have disagreed with your posts quite a bit over the years, but whenever I see your screen name, I think, "Oh he's a good guy."

Agree with that. In fact, a non-wimpy guy who's very nice is, to me, the total package. It's like the classic photo of the strong fireman who gently holds the baby - total package.

 

"Be nice, until it's time to not be nice."

 

Dammit, the fireman always wins!

 

Women confuse me. [/wimp]

 

Well-played!

Esp. with the Rapistburger avatar.

 

"How will we know when that is?"

 

That's why I have three of those Marvin the Martian t-shirts.

 

"You won't. I'll let you know."
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I dunno where I would classify. I never thought I was abrasive, but I usually don't say much, especially when something might be on the line. Funnier still, some in my department are starting to send the tough folks to me because I cut more than my share down to size. That's not too nice ...

 

Agreed on all points with this thread. I'm a "nice guy". That interpretation to me is that I'll help a friend out, open a few doors for women, and still be a guy, order beer, and have your fist clenched if someone tries to pick a fight.

The key word is "assertive." You got to have balance in your life. You can treat her nicely, but don't go overboard, dependent, and borderline stalking. Have a semblance of a backbone. If you're not an Alpha Male with six-packs, doing shit that Bear Grylls would be proud of, and kicking ass like Jack Bauer, use your other strengths to compensate that.

If you can talk to anyone and get fascinating stories out of them, do it. If you can make a few phone calls and score a couple of tixs to the opera or to see her favorite performer, do it.

Hell, if you're a nerd, don't drone all night about molecular biophysics. Explain to her how your latest project, in plain English, can help kids with cancer, make her shoes feel more comfortable, and cook her dinner quicker and better. Look at Leonard on "Big Bang Theory." He's a nerd, but has enough worldly common sense to get Penny in bed with him. She may not tolerate the obsession over "The Lord of the Rings" but she loves Chinese food.

Don't be a Howard Wolowitz.

Sometimes, fear does get in the way, and it takes time, patience, and work to get over it. For disclosure, I clam up around women I'm interested with. For some weird-ass reason, if I learn that she's married, dating, or whatever, I lower my defense and I become comfortable in talking to them and their men as friends. My circle of friends is a great example of that.

By knowing she's with someone, it makes it better for me and I'm not putting so much pressure on myself to woo her. She's no longer on the market.

Yeah, it's costs me about 2-3 chances in my life to date a woman I really liked, but I know that I need to sort this out, along with my parents divorce 20 years ago and work on not being so damn disillusioned and evading the chance to date someone interesting.