More sordid tales from SJ.commer's love lives ....

Ya know, if it weren't for that Magic 8 ball, I would have gotten laid last night.

Seriously.

So, this girl I've been flirting with for a couple of weeks comes out with my friends and I to a local watering hole (convincing her friend, who hates said watering hole to come, which I take as a good sign). End of the night rolls around and I ask if they want to come back to our house for some more drinks.

Friend says no, but she says yes. So we get back and it's me, the chica and my friend Dave. We play cards for awhile and she notices my other roommate's Magic 8 ball sitting on the table (jokes ensue). After a bit, Dave gets out of our way. So we're sitting around talking and I excuse myself to use the bathroom.

I come back and she's putting down the 8 ball. I ask what she asked it. She says, "Don't worry about," kind of laughing. So I say, "Come on, what'd you ask it?" She says, "I'm not telling you, it's personal," again laughing and kind of joking around. So I let it go.

A few minutes later, completely out of the blue she says, "I've got to get a cigarette, I'm keeping my legs closed tonight."

Fifteen minutes later, she left.

So, yes, I'm convinced she asked the Magic 8 ball if she should have sex with me. And the damn thing told her not to. I'm going to smash that fucker.

 

Mail her the busted pieces.

 

Tell her she asked the wrong question and send her this:

 

Classic.

 

I am guessing if you would have hooked up with her, you would be regretting it until the next Summer Olympics. She sounded like a f'ing trainwreck.

 

Was she a virgin? Could tell her you know of someone she'd be perfect for...

 

That is one of the greatest lines I've ever heard. I want to hear that line in a movie one day.

That girl is saucy.

 

"Once, when I was young, I cracked open a Magic 8-ball and drank the liquid inside. I was puking blue for like three days."

 

Dude, she asked it if she should sleep with Dave.

 

I think you fucked up, dude.

The eight-ball told her to take it in the ass.

 

why? She didn't live next-door