More dental hi-jinx with my kid

I remember when I had to have several teeth pulled b/c they were blocking the Big Boy teeth. They were pulled on a weekday afternoon. Mom said if I was still bleeding and/or sore the next day, I could stay home from school.

Fucking gums stopped bleeding about 8 pm. Next day I get up and my gums are as dry as Jay Farrar's new girlfriend (too soon?). I tell mom my mouth hurts like a sonofabitch (well, not those words exactly) but she's not buying it. I'm sent to school, kicking and screaming. Fucking teeth.

So to summarize, I once lost a tooth on vacation eating a piece of Life cereal. Amazingly, the tooth fairy knew to show up in New Hampshire. Tooth fairy rocks!

 

Start 'em young, build 'em up to the removal of digits.

 

Digits? oh no.

 

Oh yeah.

 

The Tooth Fairy is fake.

 

YOU SHUT YOUR GAWD-DAMM MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!

......and when I get home, I'm gonna punch your mama...right in the mouf.

 

Fuck you, bitch.

She is not fake. I saw her last night.

 

Sorry, guys. She just like the stork, Santa Claus and the Keebler Elves. All fake.

 

I've seen that done in person (not me). A memory I will never, ever forget.

 

Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, okay? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, okay? You following?

Good. Over here, we have a male-affectionate, easy to get along with, non-political agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?

 

When my dad was in the military in the 1950s, they pulled most of his teeth so they wouldn't have to worry about keeping them in shape. No anaesthesia either. Just pulled him. After bleeding through his pillow all night, he kicked the guy's ass and got him discharged. My dad, in pain and still kicking the shit out of someone. Now that's one tough sumbitch.