Lorre's parting shot?

Killick · May 16, 2011

Tonight's Chuck Lorre vanity card at the end of the "Mike & Molly":

"Once upon a time there was a sea turtle and a wolf who became friends. Now you might think that these are two animals who wouldn't have much to do with each other. And you'd be right. One was a plodding, oddly shaped ocean dweller, while the other was a sleek predator who prowled the forests for unwary deer. Their friendship began when the wolf was out hunting and saw the turtle sunning himself on the beach. The turtle looked rather unappetizing, so there was never any real thought of eating him. Nonetheless, the wolf was curious about this curious creature. And vice versa. The two got to talking and the turtle told the wolf about an island not too far offshore that was filled with delicious animals just waiting to be eaten. Needless to say, the story got the wolf's attention. A deal was quickly struck in which the turtle would ferry the wolf to the island every day in exchange for a portion of whatever the wolf killed. This arrangement worked out quite well. Many years went by and both animals got fat and happy. But there came a time when the wolf decided he didn't need the turtle anymore and could swim to the island on his own. After all, he'd been watching the turtle make the daily journey for a long time and it certainly didn't look very hard. But it was. Not long after the wolf jumped into the ocean, he was quickly overcome by the relentless waves and fierce undertow. He struggled and howled, but to no avail. The proud wolf sank to the floor of the sea where his body was quickly engulfed by a swarm of bottom-feeding crabs. His last thought was "I wonder if it's too late to work with the turtle?" The moral of the story? Stick with the program or be stuck with bottom-feeding crabs."
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three_bags_full · May 16, 2011

About as much class as Sheen.

Double J · May 16, 2011

three_bags_full said:

About as much class as Sheen.
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You sum it up rather well.

PCLoadLetter · May 16, 2011

Double J said:

three_bags_full said:

About as much class as Sheen.
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You sum it up rather well.
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Eh. Lorre posts a fox-and-turtle parable on a vanity card, Sheen goes on an anti-Semitic tirade aimed at Lorre (at roughly the same time Sheen was sending a text to his estranged wife threatening to "cut your fucking head off and ship it to your mom in a box").

Lorre wasn't always on the high-road, but Sheen is a piece of shit.

LongTimeListener · May 17, 2011

That isn't the parting shot. The parting shot is when Kutcher joins and they explain where Uncle Charlie is.

Mizzougrad96 · May 17, 2011

I actually think Lorre shares almost equal blame for this mess as Sheen.

Sheen showed up and did his job and the result was the No. 1 comedy in the country.

Kelsey Grammer had a much worse track record when he was on Cheers and Frasier.

I wonder if Lorre would even have his other two hit shows if it were not for Sheen and the success he brought to 2 1/2 Men.

bigpern23 · May 17, 2011

As if Charlie Sheen hasn't been sheltering bottom-feeding crabs in his boxer shorts since 1986.

Second Thoughts · May 17, 2011

I didn't see "Men" lasting much longer with Sheen. This season, if you watch the repeats of the abbreviated season, Sheen looks gaunt, pale, aged, not sharp and handsome as he used to be not that long ago.

But yeah, two Hollywood egos clashing.

Double J · May 18, 2011

Mizzougrad96 said:

I actually think Lorre shares almost equal blame for this mess as Sheen.

Sheen showed up and did his job and the result was the No. 1 comedy in the country.

Kelsey Grammer had a much worse track record when he was on Cheers and Frasier.

I wonder if Lorre would even have his other two hit shows if it were not for Sheen and the success he brought to 2 1/2 Men.
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Well, exactly. Sheen never missed a day of work. All the shit he did or is alleged to have done happened on his own time and did not affect the show in any negative way whatsoever.

It was Lorre who took the first shot, that stupid fucking vanity card about how he'd be pissed if Sheen outlived him. There was no need for that.

Every time Lorre checks his bank balance, he should kiss Sheen's fuzzy beanbag in heartfelt gratitude.

ifilus · May 18, 2011

Killick said:

Tonight's Chuck Lorre vanity card at the end of the "Mike & Molly":

"Once upon a time there was a sea turtle and a wolf who became friends. Now you might think that these are two animals who wouldn't have much to do with each other. And you'd be right. One was a plodding, oddly shaped ocean dweller, while the other was a sleek predator who prowled the forests for unwary deer. Their friendship began when the wolf was out hunting and saw the turtle sunning himself on the beach. The turtle looked rather unappetizing, so there was never any real thought of eating him. Nonetheless, the wolf was curious about this curious creature. And vice versa. The two got to talking and the turtle told the wolf about an island not too far offshore that was filled with delicious animals just waiting to be eaten. Needless to say, the story got the wolf's attention. A deal was quickly struck in which the turtle would ferry the wolf to the island every day in exchange for a portion of whatever the wolf killed. This arrangement worked out quite well. Many years went by and both animals got fat and happy. But there came a time when the wolf decided he didn't need the turtle anymore and could swim to the island on his own. After all, he'd been watching the turtle make the daily journey for a long time and it certainly didn't look very hard. But it was. Not long after the wolf jumped into the ocean, he was quickly overcome by the relentless waves and fierce undertow. He struggled and howled, but to no avail. The proud wolf sank to the floor of the sea where his body was quickly engulfed by a swarm of bottom-feeding crabs. His last thought was "I wonder if it's too late to work with the turtle?" The moral of the story? Stick with the program or be stuck with bottom-feeding crabs."
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If you didn't know Lorre wrote this, you could easily assume that Sheen was the turtle and Lorre the wolf.

Mizzougrad96 · May 18, 2011

Most top show runners are able to parlay one hit show into 2-3 on the same network just because the network doesn't want to risk pissing them off and lose the one big hit. I think Big Bang Theory is a great show and I think Mike and Molly is OK, but one has to wonder if either would have seen the light of day if Sheen hadn't turned 2 1/2 Men into such a monster hit.

Killick · Sep 27, 2011

While Sheen's been playing it right, rehabbing his image a bit with the "I hope they do well" stuff, Lorre shows his ass (a bit). Last night's title card after Two and a Half Men:

Sometime last year I realized I had become the unwilling contestant in a reality show. I didn't understand the rules, wasn't sure if there even were any, and pretty much hated every second of it. For many months, I kept hoping and praying that it would end. But it did not. Somewhere along the way, something inside me died. Anyway, now, suddenly, I'm being told that the reality show's been cancelled. Apparently, it was just one of those things that somehow got out of control. Sorry. Whoops. Live and learn. Moving on. Game over. And that's fine. I am so good with that. Yes, please, let's all move on. There's just one problem. That thing inside me that died? It walks at night. It's angry. It's hungry. And worst of all... it's writing a tell-all book.
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Oh, WAAAAA. "Something died inside me?" Over-dramatic much, Chuck?

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Lorre's parting shot?

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