little man shockey's first semester grades

I think this is the perfect solution. Put the responsibility in his hands, and make him earn it. That's the only way he'll learn for himself.

Yanking him out of school like he threw a temper tantrum in kindergarten isn't going to help. Treat him like an adult and he'll appreciate that you're just trying to look out for him. He's on his own now. He's only going to be responsible if he wants to be -- it's his life now.

And damn, some of y'all should feel damn grateful your parents even had a "method." I didn't get a cent, other than what I got from scholarships, tuition reimbursement from my paper, and my own loans. My parents weren't "drowning" in bills, per se, but they certainly couldn't afford to send me to college for any length of time, even at a state school. Just sayin'.

 

I'd ask him why he got C's and what he would do and will do differently. Ask to see some of his papers.

There are a lot of reasons why his grades were weak. One might be that high school just didn't prepare him for college. Another might be a love interest.

Before my niece went to college, I came up with a list of things to do and not to do. One was to go to EVERY class. It is a tempting to just blow off a class and figure you can just get the notes and catch up. You have to explain that he won't get the benefit of a doubt on a grade from the teacher, and that cutting classes results in sloppy work.

When I was first in college, I didn't do my best because I spent too much time at the radio station. A lot of figured we learned more about our profession from being at the radio station than we did from out classes. That might have been true, but the problem is that you get into bad habits and you don't have contact with people outside the radio station.

And even if he gets C's, he might end up as President.

 

Wait, your kid is taking NINE credit hours, living away from home and doesn't have a job? Why are you paying for his five-month-long party?

Yes, he's being irresponsible as a student, but you're being irresponsible as parents for not expecting him to behave like the young adult he now is.

YOU should not be doing anything other than wielding the checkbook, if that is what you want to continue to do. It is up to HIM to decide where he enrolls, how he behaves, how he manages his time, and how he manages his finances. If his finances include tuition money from mom and dad, great. If not, or if it's reduced, he'll have to figure out a way to make ends meet. That may include transferring to the JC. But it should be his solution to the problem he created.

The biggest crock I hear from parents of college-age students is they don't want them to work for a semester/year/ever because they want them to "adjust to college" and "focus on their studies." Those kids are laughing at those concepts. I think every freshman should be required to have an on-campus, part-time job. As they get older and want to bartend or whatever off campus for more money, fine.

If your kid has documented academic issues (like a learning disability) there are numerous services to assist him, but HE needs to be a adult and take care of business and seek them out. If you suspect he does indeed have substance abuse or emotional issues, then encourage HIM to seek out those services on campus. He needs to learn to be an advocate for himself.

 

an 18 year old is not an adult. he's only an adult in the legal sense. you can argue that it was different in your day and that 18 year olds can vote and die in wars and be sent to the electric chair, but just because the law treats 18 year olds as adults doesn't mean they can, or should, make adult decisions. most 18 year olds are not mature enough to act as adults. they are still teenagers. shockey has the right idea to make this decision for his son. if his son doesn't like the decision, whatever it is, then sonny can get himself a job and pay his own way.

 

You mean, he can act like an adult?

Expecting someone to behave like an adult should not be a punishment. It should be a rite of passage that comes with reaching certain milestones. Our society of "helicopter parents" has ensured those milestones keep getting pushed back. It used to be graduating high school. Then it was graduating college. Then it was getting a job. Now parents try to negotiate salaries with potential employers.

And no, it wasn't different "in my day" (which was not that long ago - I'm not even 30). I'm referring to my friends and roommates when I talk about kids laughing at parents who didn't expect them to have even a part-time job.

Any person living on their own needs to grow up, learn how to manage their time/finances/life and learn to take care of their own business. College is a good place to learn those things, as there are a bunch of safety nets built in and you're in a community of your peers. But continuing to make decisions for your kid instead of letting them make their own and learn from the consequences teaches them nothing.

 

So when does he get to make his own decisions? At 21? At 22? As long as parents are paying the bill? After he graduates? At 30?

How is anybody ever supposed to learn responsibility if their parents don't LET GO?

 

I had a 2.4 and a 2.0 my first two semesters. Then I learned better time management, did tons of studying in the afternoon, and my grades improved correspondingly. Had a part-time job, either on campus or off-campus, all four years.

One semester for Shotty Jr. is a small sample size. But I definitely hold the possibility of Pitt-Bradford or Mansfield State as the consequences for a second lousy semester.

And Cadet's right. Nine hours is a cakewalk and it's hard to overlook or excuse that bad of an academic performance with only three classes and no part-time job. Time for junior to take some responsibility here and get on the stick.

 

I'm not saying it's true in this case, but he might not know the behaviors that will lead to academic success in college.

I studied not a lick in high school. I didn't even take my books home. Never got anything but an A, so my parents had no reason to complain. Then I got to college, where nobody tells you to go to class and studying is more important. I was fucked.

 

You are so right on with this issue Cadet.

I guarantee that college students, even at 18, are doing adult things. They need to learn that taking responsibility for their actions is what comes with it. Three classes and three Cs? Without a job? Unless those classes are chemistry, calculus and physics, that's not even trying

 

Shotty Jr.'s small sample size was two failed first semesters at Harrisburg Area Community College.

She did, however, eventually land on her feet quite nicely.

 

I was EXACTLY the same way.

 

As was I.

Of course, my grades sophomore year were poor because I discovered the joy of reefer more than the lack of studying.