Little Man has a sister ... and I'm not sure how to feel

So Little Man now has a sibling (a half-sibling, but why quibble over that?) after my ex-wife gave birth about a month early on Thursday. It's a girl. He's thrilled and adores her, but I seem to have conflicting emotions.

There's not a sense of jealousy on my part. It's more a case of not knowing how involved I need to be on behalf of Little Man. I have no desire to help my ex in any real sense, other than ensuring Little Man still sees her and the baby, etc. But my ex isn't exactly in the best spot in life, with no real income, no support, etc.

For example, when I brought Little Man's old infant car seat to the hospital, she hit me up for a ride home. Frankly, I'd rather have my teeth pulled without pain killers than put myself into a position to be her taxi service, support, surrogate daddy, etc.

The child is NOT mine, so it's a bit easier to take a cavalier attitude. But I'm just not sure if I'm right.

Any thoughts?

 

Think of your son and leave your feelings toward your ex-wife out of it.

How involved you should be I don't know.

But bringing the infant seat to the hospital then griping about being hit up for a ride home seems over the top. You already were doing a favor so why be surprised about the request from someone who wouldn't be able to drive herself?

 

Ouch. That's rough, Alley.

Is the baby's father not in the picture? Even if he is just a little, I can see how you can/will become a crutch for her. You may just want to play it by ear a little. If you don't like where it's going, you're going to have to lay down some parameters for both your and your son's benefit.

Obviously you know to try to keep your and you and your ex's problems as far removed from your son as possible.

 

I understand his feelings here. He's not with her anymore and she needs to be an adult if she's going to be a mom to not one but two children. If you know you're going to give birth at the hospital, it's her responsibility to have someone there to drive her home, not her ex-husband.

 

I knew I should have clarified. The baby's dad was there, but they're without a vehicle, and I guess my beef was the fact that he has family in the area as well. Why hit me up for the drive?

WB had a good point that I failed to make. If she's adult enough to have two children, then she should be adult enough to try and have the necessities required as a parent. It's not so much being ask to give her a ride, but opening that door for her to use me since she has no support elsewhere.

Her family (my ex-in-laws) don't support her, so that side is out.

 

He doesn't have a car? Jebus.

 

If you have more leftover stuff (toys, etc.) that the ex and her new man can't afford, by all means, feel free to lighten the load in your home and pass it on ... barring your own desire to keep it in the event future breeding should occur in the Allen family.

The baby is your son's sister. Not that I have much experience on the parenting issue, but I would guess you could show this new child the same affection and charity one might dote upon a niece. Gifts from your son would be a lovely idea. Monetary supplementation is over and above the call of duty, though.

 

Yeah, I'm more than happy to scour through the attic for any and all unused or unneeded items from Little Man's infanthood. The downside is these items have been in the attic for three or four years and not in the best shape.

 

I think you have a right to be concerned... A lot of times families start treating kids a lot differently when one of the children who lives there is with a parent and a stepparent and the other kid is with both parents...

I am so glad neither of my parents had any more kids after they remarried...

 

Gifts from your son should be taken care of by your ex-wife...

If you want to throw the kid a gift for Xmas and birthdays, that would be a class move, but you should not feel obligated to do so.

 

I don't begrudge my ex having a child and giving Little Man a sister. I just worry that the lack of support in my ex's life may lead her to lean on me for that, and who really would want to have to say no, in a case like this?

And for the record, there will be no more breeding in the Allen household.

 

Sister from another mister.