Lenny Dykstra's stock tips

No longer content to (alledgedly) bet sports, Nails is now an equities analyst:

http://www.thestreet.com/s/dykstra-fedex-options-deliver/newsanalysis/options-news-update/10383256.html?puc=googlefi

I have little doubt this column is ghosted, unless Dykstra was in the habit of frequently using the word 'thereby' during his playing days.

 

I saw him on one of the FoxNews business shows about a year ago. His pick at the time (I'm not kidding) -- Anheuser Busch.

 

Nails has a car wash ("Team Dykstra Car Wash") about 5 miles from my apartment. Just sayin'.

 

Apparently, Michael Jordan's PR team has moved on to other endeavors ...

 

Do I have to roid up to invest?

 

Apparently, Nails has made more money in the market than he ever made playing baseball (or lost playing poker)

 

How does he perform next to John Bradshaw Layfield?

 

I would LOVE to read the unfiltered version.

Dudes, today fucking take a look at fucking Fed Ex. Not those fuckers at DHL, fuck those dudes, they don't fucking deliver the goods like fucking Fed Ex. Fuck Kenny Lofton too. I should still be fucking playing, dude. Fuck the Phillies. Fuck Terry Francona. Fuck Doug Glanville. Fuck everything that's not fucking pinned down like Kevin Fucking Elster. Fuck. I've been fucking on Fed Ex for a long fucking time, dudes, but it's been too fucking expensive hey look there's a birdie out there I need a fucking smoke why are my fucking nuts so fucking small to fucking buy big.

Fed Ex is fucking worldwide motherfuckers. It's fucking loaded with money, dudes. It doesn't owe fuckers anything. Unlike me. Fuck.

Don't listen to the fucking negativity, dudes, buy the fucking stock. Remember when I fucking took Dave Smith fucking deep in the fucking 1986 NLCS? That was pretty fucking cool dude. Why is my fucking mouth falling off? I need some fucking chew.

Buy this fucking stock you motherfuckers. Then get your car washed at my fucking place, dude. Fuckers.

 

I don't want tips from Lenny Dykstra on anything except:

1. How to dribble chew-juice on myself properly

B. The correct steroid dosage

III. How to nail Davey Johnson's hot-ass daughter and not spend the rest of my life in Tidewater.