Leaving for a new job- last column

I worked at a place for 5 years, and my old boss wanted me to write one before I left. I said absolutely not. So instead of a quick editor's note on replacing the spot ("Petrie has left the Podunk Press; we will now run national columns every Tuesday in this place" or something of the sort), he writes this awkward tribute sort of thing (and takes credit for where I ended up, even though I went to a smaller shop and he didn't really provide any sort of professional help in my time there) before getting to what should've been the editor's note. Then he sent it to me.

Now if he writes a farewell column for himself (he's been there for 20-plus years and is an institution), then by all means he should. But I wasn't around long enough or felt important enough to even really say goodbye, besides "This is his last column." in the tagline. If you have to think about whether you should write a farewell, just save it.

 

"suck it, bitches. bhm out!"

there, it's written.

 

Now, see, that's stylish without being gaudy.

 

Mason Kelley had a good one recently when leaving the ST. "It's not easy to say goodbye, so instead I'll say thank you"

 

you know, shots, it's all about an economy of words, isn't it?

 

There seems to have been a proliferation of needlessly lengthy going-away columns/blog entries in recent years. I've always been of the school of going out with dignity and humility. The less said about yourself, the better.

There is one college hack (much beloved in the SJ universe) who basically turned his final two weeks into a going-away tour on his blog/twitter account. The false modesty was poorly disguised and it was painful to read. Another hack (also much beloved) wrote about a 2,500 word goodbye blog entry immediately upon being hired...even though he still had three weeks to go at his current job.

I have no problem with writers who have developed an online following doing a short note of thank-yous. But I could do without these self-congratulatory manifestos poorly masked with a few aww-shucks here and there. You're not that important. Always remember that.

 

Just write the farewell column under a fake byline.

 

Just fade away. Here one day, gone the next.

If anybody cares, they'll find out where you went.

If they don't, they won't.

 

I've read farewell columns from writers who only sent a year in Podunk. No one cares, besides your mom, what you think of the town.

 

For lots of people, spending a year in Podunk is sort of like spending it at the state pen.

 

True words to live by.