Late-night convenience store wackiness

Last night, I'm in a convenice store after work and there's a really, really long line. At the front are two women taking 10 minutes to purchase a copy of Hustler.
Tonight, I'm heading home from the movies and go into a different convenience store. It's just as crowded as the one I was in last night, but hard to tell who's in line and who isn't. Some of them can't even wait until there stuff is paid for before they start eating it. When I finally get to the front of the counter to pay for my stuff, a kid comes in, says "Excuse me," reaches over my shoulder to grab a lighter off the counter and walks out with it. The clerk follows him out the door and takes down his plate number. Meanwhile, another couple goes right up to the counter next to me and don't even wait until I'm done with my transation before buying cigars from the clerk.
What is it with late nights on holidays and these stores that draw out all the whack jobs?
Should I have done something to stop the young punk, who looked pretty tough by the way, from stealing the lighter?

 

Fuck no.

I'm surprised the idiot clerk walked out from behind the counter for a lighter. That store's just asking to get robbed bad.

 

Hell, there used to be a gas station across from my old apt. complex owned by some Pakastanis. Great, great fellas.

I didn't see any crimes, but I was coming home late one night, stopped to get gas then went into pay. I walked in, and saw no one at the counter. All of a sudden, the cashier, a gentleman in his late 50s, bursts out of the bathroom, screaming, "HELLO SIR! GOOD NIGHT, GOOD TIMES! NEED BEER SIR?"
"Um, no."
"HOW ARE THE LADIES SIR? NEED LOTTERY TICKETS SIR?"
"No, no thanks."
"AH, THE WOMEN WILL LOVE YOU IF YOU WIN SIR!"

Laughing my ass off, I took my receipt and walked out. Maybe the dude was just high or just happy. Who knows. I thought it was funny as shit.

 

sounds like the dude was hitting the crack pipe in the bathroom between customers

 

Poll: What's a more dangerous job?
1. Late night convenience store clerk.
2. Military reserve soldier while George Bush is in the White House.

 

Sounds like the clerks from the classic movie "Booty Call".

Jamie Foxx and Tommy Davidson buying plastic wrap to go down on their chicks, and the Pakistanis singing, 'You've got to lick it...before you stick it...'

 

HAHAHAHA.

Damn, I forgot that movie. THAT is funny!

 

I used to work the "Clerks" shift at a convenient store in college. It was great-I could stay up all night doing my homework for the week and not be bothered too much, as two of the other three corners of the intersection also had convenient stores, but with better gas and beer prices. I could do my store work in about an hour and have a few hours to sleep or study.

So one night, I see this guy who looks like Charlie Manson's stunt double walking toward the store. He comes in, says hello. I respond in kind. He walks around all four aisles of the store for a few minutes, finally settling on a four-pack of Zingers that look like old coconut-covered tampons and two quarts of Pennzoil 10W40.

"Car trouble?" I asked.

"Nope. Ain't got no car."

"Hmmm...do you collect motor oil or something?"

He gets a little wild-eyed on me, lurching across the pecan logs and Newport Lights displays. "You gettin' smart with me, purty boy?"

"Nope. Just asking a question...that'll be $4.20."

"$4.20 huh?" He takes one quart of Latrobe's Finest (non-Rolling Rock variety) off the counter. "How much now?"

"$2.45."

"Shit. How much for just the goddamn Zingers?"

"Seventy-five cents."

He fishes in his pocket. "I got forty-three cents. Can you help a brother out?"

"Can't. Either you got it or you don't."

He starts doing laps around the aisles. It's around 3:30 am at this point. I keep an eye on him as I try to figure out what my media planning assignment's all about. Suddenly, he interrupts my train of thought, yelling, "Did you know that when I was thirteen years old, the Lord told me to put my uncle's penis in my mouth?!?"

At this point, I'm ready to get rid of him by any means possible. "Rrrrrreally? How was that? Does sucking cock really make you a Christian?"

(Pretty amazing what can fall out of your mouth when you smoke half a joint in the beer cooler and have a billy stick at your fingertips, huh?)

Right about that time, a cop came in. I gave him the "hey, there's a fucking weirdo in my store" sorta look. He knew what was up. See, there's a VA hospital not too far from my school. And this guy escaped. I didn't get a reward, but I got a decent story out of it.