Kobe's wife, Vanessa, files for divorce...

That's what I was thinking.

 

From Saturday Night Live...First thing I thought of after reading that paragraph:

Vanessa Bryant: [ wrings her hands free from Kobe's ] You better get your damn hand off me before I break it off like a chopstick!

Kobe Bryant: Baby, please..

Vanessa Bryant: Don't you "Baby" me! If you want to address me, you'd better call me by my name: Mrs. Kobe Bryant!! So I know you're talking to me, and not some concierge or some chambermaid, or some ho you met selling Mets jerseys outside the Meadowlands!

Kobe Bryant: Vanessa! I never talk to other girls. Just this one time --

Vanessa Bryant: Ohhh, just this one time.. when I talked to this girl for five minutes, and then I tripped and my chocolate fell into her peanut butter! Right?! I oughta break that thing off, and take it home with me!

[ Lawyer re-enters room, as the Bryants return to their fake romantic pose ]

Lawyer: Kobe, Vanessa.. it's just gonna be a couple more minutes, because they're fussing with the lighting.

Vanessa Bryant: Okay.

Kobe Bryant: Thank you, Paul.. thank you. I just want people to know I love my wife.. and she's gonna stand by my side.

Vanessa Bryant: I appreciate what you're doing for our family..

 

So, how much cheating did Vanessa consider to be an acceptable amount before he started cheating "too much"?

 

Psst to anyone tracking this story, follow the babymama drama. Fact. You're welcome.

 

Jordan fans: Again, Kobe comes up short. No way Kobe will top handing out $168 million to the wife.

http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00012381.html

 

She's been with him 10 years which is when he got the bulk of his wealth. She's not going to top Juanita, but she's going to get some serious money...

Good for her. It seems like just yesterday when Kobe was trolling her high school with her...

 

That house on Vanessa's finger Kobe bought her after Colorado lost 60% of its value. I'd be pissed too.

 

Paging Karl Malone.

 

The first thing that popped in my head when I heard of the divorce was the Kanye West song "Runaway"

And I always find, yeah, I always find something wrong
You been putting up with my shit just way too long
I'm so gifted at finding what I don't like the most
So I think it's time for us to have a toast

Let's have a toast for the douchebags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know

Let's have a toast for the jerk-offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Runaway fast as you can

Kobe is pretty much a douchebag, scumbag and an asshole.

 

What a poet.

 

California's a community property state. She gets 50%.

The only question is, 50% of how much?

Estimates of Kobe's assets range from $150 million to $400 million.

 

Kobe maintain's custody of Stephen A Smith. He has to, no one can remove Stephen's Adam's apple from Kobe's cock.