King of the Hill-Simpsons

"Did he just say the gay rodeo?"

"Shh, guys. This is a real sport. I saw it on ESPN 3!"

 

Really? You don't like Cotton? Damn.

"Sorry I'm late. I had to stop by the wax museum again and give the finger to FDR."

 

That was a great episode, and a great line.

 

I'm a bigger KOTH fan. By far. I owe all six seasons that are so far available on DVD. While I love The Simpsons (22 Short Stories Around Springfield is my favorite episode). As for KOTH, there's too many favorites. Both shows were terrific for the first eight seasons, but they both fell off at some point during Season 9. KOTH became too formulaic---Peggy became totally unlikable, Bobby became a moron (instead of just a good-hearted, average kid) and each episode ended with the character representing the new age or greed (or sometimes both) repeating some stupid line. Cotton was a great character until his wife and son disappeared off the face of the earth. But the most memorable episodes usually involve Hank and Bobby---about how Hank's idea of a man is completely different than what he has in a son, but how Hank usually reconciles his old beliefs with the 21st century because he realizes his son has many of the good qualities that Hank lacks.

The best KOTH exchange?

"Dad, why do you hate what you don't understand?"

"I don't hate you, Bobby."

"I meant soccer."

 

Cotton can be amusing, but only in small doses. I think part of KOTH's appeal -- much like The Simpsons and their social commentary -- is the unapologetic annoying characters like Cotton. Life's got 'em. Just gotta deal with 'em.

More great quotes:

Hank: "Why would anyone do drugs when they could just mow a lawn?"

Gribble: "This chorus is the feces that is produced when shame eats too much stupidity!"

Hank: Anger management? That's for guys who spit on umpires. I don't need that crap.

Bill: "So then Cotton says "I bet Fatty here can eat fifty potatoes." And the bartender says "no way," which of course was a terrible insult to the Colonel's honor. Long story short, I was pronounced legally dead!"

 

"How'd you trick me? You ain't bright!"

"I'm old, I's got no's shins, and my plumbing don't work so good no more..."

"Hank! Scrambled. Black. Sports page. You got five minutes!"

"You can't give a boy a gun without first loading it with bullets! That's like giving an electric car without batteries. (Shoots gun at pinata). Come and getcha your Tootsie Rolls!!!"

"Bobby, you done good today at school (he started a sexist riot) so I'm buying you a hooker! Pick yourself out a live one!!!"

 

Bill: "I'm so depressed I can't even blink."

Preacher: "...Once a baptism turns into a little drowning, everybody's got to blame somebody."

Hank: "Thanks to my friend Dale and his hateful, suspicious nature..."

Hank: "Remember that time we sneaked onto the football field late one night and mowed the whole field? The look on the groundkeeper's face right before we apologized..."

Hank: "Sour Coach Soares. You know, we made that nickname up at a picnic meeting of the Christian Youth League. We were good kids, though."

Hank (Episode Aisle 8A): "I was so embarassed (to ask his mother how to deal with Connie's first cycle) that I hung up the phone on my mother. And she's such a nice woman."

Bobby: "Remember how you smiled and beeped your horn when you saw that bumper sticker that said 'Honk If You America'."
Hank: "Well, I do love America."

Hank (on why he doesn't like to go to strip clubs with his dad): "He always pays the ladies to put their what-nots on my head."

 

I find KOTH very underrated. It has been a victim of Fox scheduling and often of late NFL games. I like the fact that the characters actually get older as the series moves on. It is a very funny and surprisingly kindhearted show. In a world of sex filled sitcoms, it is an old fashioned comedy which the whole family can watch.

My favorite episode is A Beer Can Named Desire -- the one where they go to New Orleans and stay with Bill's family. Hank wins a contest and has to choose to either throw a football himself through a giant beer can or have Don Meredith do it for him for a lesser prize (I think that it is something like $500k vs. $100k).

 

Hank: "Ya, but we could buy all sorts of higher education and appliances with $500G."

Bobby (fanning himself): "How's about a window seat, because this flower is wilting!"

Hank: "Hello, Mr Meredith.
Dandy Don: "My momma always called me Donny."
Hank: "Wow. That's a great story, Mr. Meredith."

Bobby: "Look, Don, I'm a dandy, too."
Hank (seeing Cowboys' football pants): "The real thing. Cowboy metallic blue."
Dandy Don: "Like father, like son."

 

In the episode where Hank gets a fake butt for his diminished glutes, Cotton comes over and picks up the prosthesis:

Good lord, boy! You're wearing butt boobies! Deedee! Come over here so we can see how big they are next to your melons!"

 

I have no idea which episode it was, but I liked the one that ended with the Asian neighbor--the one who usually insults Hank--thanking Hank for being a good friend.

 

Cotton (talking about his wife's breast implants): "See, Bobby, I got a good deal on 'em. Both lefties!"

DiDi: "Hello, Hank. Do you still like finger-painting?"

Hank: "Ya! I could open up a Ma and Pa store. Get out of the propane game, and really make a difference. Come on, Peggy. You have to be involved. If you're not, people are gonna say, 'Where's Ma? Did Pa kill Ma? Nobody will want to buy steak if they think you're hanging up on a meat hook out in the back."

Hank: "So I saved his life and he comped me free dinner for four."
Peggy: "Really? That's the most romantic restaurant in all of Heimlich County. What other couple should we invite?"
Hank: "Well, since it was a dinner for four, I was going to bring the guys..."

Hank: "Learn algebra and forget it. Win state, and that goes on the water tower."

Hank: "I know this place seems peaceful, now that we're away from the hustle and bustle of the alley..."