I've said many stupid things before, but this.........

My senior year, my history teacher once asked one of the dimmer bulbs in our class if his parents claimed him as their own. Naturally the guy was adopted.

This was the same high school where the yearbook staff learned a valuable lesson. If you are going to put the caption "Tacky Day!" underneath a girl's photo, make really, really sure the photo was shot on Tacky Day.

 

Sammy Davis Jr. left a briefcase in my cab.

When he came to my house to reclaim it, I offered him some coffee. Then I asked him if he wanted cream or sugar in his eye.

Thankfully, I was saved by a commercial.

 

When I was in high school, I knew a girl who had undergone a foot amputation.
But honestly, I never focused on it and saw her as completely able-bodied.

One day, she hit her foot on a door and said "Ouch." ... I responded as I did to everyone else. "It's OK, you've got another one."
She never said anything or did anything to make me feel bad, but goddamn if I didn't wanna stick my head up my own ass.

 

In high school, an attractive female friend asked me if the dress she was wearing made her look fat.

Without thinking, I responded with, "More pregnant than fat."

Based on the string of curse words that she attached to my name over the next few minutes, it was not the answer she was looking for.

 

Loaded questions, sir ... loaded questions ...

Steer clear. Lesson learned.

 

While I have learned to never, ever answer any question that remotely resembles the question above, I am just not all that bright when it comes to making comments on female appearances.

A few years back, Mrs. Seahawk walked in the front door, and she looked awful. I thought she was just having a bad hair day, because it held a strong resemblance to James Van der Beek's coif during his prime years. Little did I know she had just come from getting her hair done.

Suffice to say, it did not go over well when I greeted her with, "Hey Dawson, what do you want to do for dinner tonight?"

 

THAT is awesome.