it's 'national autism week'...

I like this possible explanation. God knows, I've had some trying moments and probably some that I'm not very proud of. It's tough for parents and kids.

So perhaps the writer's idea of finally having a good day with her boy and her family with everything seeming to be going well — relatively speaking — wasn't one that looked quite as ideal to an outsider.

 

I don’t think anyone who hasn’t had a kid like a really understands the emotional toll, the stress. Like I said, my official stance is that it’s better safe than sorry. But the last thing I need is more stress in my life.

I read a story a few years ago about an incident in England. A teenage autistic boy was coming off the ice and a slightly older teenage girl committed some offense and he lost it for a second, swinging his bag at her. A skate blade poked out and she lost an eye.

I’m terrified of the day this happens with my son as the perpetrator. It’s absolutely in his wheelhouse. He’s fine 95% of the time, and 95% of the rest are manageable. I’m constantly on alert, carefully monitoring the environment and his mood whenever we are out in public. Maybe we should cut this trip a little short, maybe I should distract him before we walk past this dog that might bark. He looks like he might be about to throw his kindle, make sure I’m between him and cars driving by so he doesn’t bust a windshield and cause an accident. Would letting him play angry birds on my phone distract a building meltdown, or make it worse if he can’t beat the level he is on? If he throws himself down in the crosswalk and refuses to move, would I be able to pick him up and get him across before the light changes?

But all it takes is a lapse just one day and we’ve got an ice skating incident.

I’m not trying to say I’ve got the bottom of the woe-is-me pile. Some people work in coal mines and all that jazz. But understand how consistently stressful that is. That’s the world you are adding even more stress to.

How many of have us would have been annoyed to have a random exec showing up to look over our shoulder while we were trying to make deadline because “better safe than sorry.”

 

And this is kind of a weird subject for me, because I've got two competing perspectives completely beside my own experiences with my son.

I don't have much opportunity to practice it with my kid, but I've long been a proponent of the Free Range Kids movement. People in society have a really fucked up view of how you keep kids safe. There was a long argument on my town's Facebook page when someone posted a photo of their kid's first date of school that happened to show the teacher's name in the background. A not-small number of people were convinced that by exposing this personal information, she had basically invited kidnappers to come to the child's school and snatch them away, and that by demanding the photo be removed they were *saving lives*. There's a huge difference between actually keeping children safe (teaching them independence, teaching them to swim, driving the speed limit with them in the car) and the shit people worry about for cultural reasons (Stranger Danger!). So on that level, I'm strongly opposed to the bubble-wrap nutjobs out there harassing people by reporting to police every time someone does something as a parent that isn't the same way their emotional response says it should be done.

But I also am helping raise several drug-exposed, likely abused foster children, and I thank god for the system and what it does and I don't want a single kid to slip through the cracks, even if it means some annoyance for me.

 

Rick, I know we often have our skirmishes on here but, damn, that is a poignant post about your experiences. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to post it here.

 

I'm a couple days late on this, but man, fuck those assholes who called the cops. Fuck them. What kind of arrogance do you have to possess to call the cops on a kid with bad hair and mismatched clothes, especially a kid clearly cared for and surrounded by his parents? Mind your own fucking business.

A.) Yeah, "a young child's fashion sense is terrible."

B.) I'm pretty sure we're all a mess when it comes to putting up our daughters' hair. It's a running joke when my daughter arrives at Grandma's with a messy ponytail. "Oh, Daddy must have been home today." Even my daughter now makes fun of me for my inability to tie a decent ponytail. Once in a while I get a good one. Usually, not so much.

 

If my son goes back to sleep on the nights he wakes up — about 350 days a year — I consider it a good night.

 

Snoopy concern trolls have increased by roughly 1476895% in the last 20 years. And, yes, you gotta report abuse. Abnormal is not abuse.

 

My folks would have been summarily executed if they were judged on my hair and clothes when I was a kid. They gave up that fight very early, chose their battles wisely.

I'm a lot more likely to say something to a parent who lets a kid run wild in an inappropriate setting (crowded restaurant, for example), without appearing the least bit concerned. Doesn't bother me in the least when kids have meltdowns in public, as long as the parent shows even a bare minimum of concern.

 

Dude, you are in a bookstore. When you see an attractive long-haired woman, approach her and tell her that you struggle with doing your daughter's hair and ask her out for dinner and ponytail-making lessons. Tell her that if things go well, you know of a cornfield where you can bring a blanket so her ponytail won't get messed up too badly if one thing leads to another.

(Sorry, I know I'm interrupting a serious conversation, but I couldn't resist unleashing my inner FreqPoster. Carry on.)

 

We've had Child Services come in, officially, six times, although two of them were continuations of earlier reports. All were by our local school district, who either weren't mentally capable of comprehending our kids' special needs (both physical and mental) or didn't feel like putting out the effort to deal with them, or, more likely, both.

Like you, the Child Service people were pretty apologetic once they realized our kids had unique situations that the school district couldn't handle because our kids' needs weren't following the usual script that the school has. The district has a Plan A. If Plan A doesn't work, they have Plan B. If that doesn't work, they're totally lost.

One of the times, they were called because my youngest was on a medication that made him sleepy. We, with the consultation of his specialist, had him take the med at school in the afternoon and at night, so he'd be sleepy in the afternoon. The school claimed they were concerned that he was getting the two doses too close to each other and was being harmed, and wanted him to take it in the morning. We told them they were stupid, because it would make him sleepy all day long instead of the afternoon. The district demanded that my wife call the doctor to consult. My wife refused because it was none of their business. Child Services was called. My wife said, very well, I'll call the doctor. The doctor gave permission for the school, to call him. They did, and he told them how stupid they were.

Basically, the school kept calling Child Services in an attempt to intimidate us. Only, all it did was piss us off more and antagonize us. Their calls finally ended, when, long story short, we had a CSE meeting with the district that turned into a yelling match (not the first one either). I brought up their Child Service calls. District people tried to say they were innocent because the calls are anonymous, The then-special Ed director said they could bring up some dirt on us. I told her to go ahead (our lawyer was trying to settle everything down and it wasn't working). Then-special Ed director mentioned an earlier incident involving a yelling match with the crappy bus driver. I told her that Child Services had coincidentally called me that very afternoon about that exact incident, and pulled out their report. The looks on the then-special Ed director's face was priceless.

Also, like your son, my youngest, who is developmentally delayed, but not in the spectrum, used to have a terrible time getting shots for blood work or vaccines. It would take three people to hold him down. He's only just outgrown it in the last two years or so.

 

I hope everyone here has a great day with their kids.

 

My son has been wearing red shirts every day for a month because that’s what Peppa Pig wears. Finally got him to wear a yellow shirt yesterday. He proceeded to play out in the muddy yard with it. This morning, he wouldn’t get on the bus without his dirty yellow shirt. His hair looks OK, though.