it's 'national autism week'...

THIS.

 

But I'm sure you don't want people uncomfortable around your family, which is what the original post made me think was happening.

 

And, Rick, your kid is fucking four or five. It's a little soon to start pigeon holing him.

 

sadly, the overwhelming majority of people with autism/Asperger's are NOT like Temple, who's story is indeed extraordinary. but her tale does not give by best friend hope his daughter is the next Temple. his daughter has developed in her own extraordinary way but the obvious social skills she will forever is heartbreaking.

sorry if this offends anyone.

 

Honestly assessing the degree of his disability is not "pigeonholing." It's smart parenting.

 

Rick took this comment a lot better than I would have. I'd have just told you to kindly STFU. You have no idea what the doctors have told him about his child and you are way out of line talking about his parenting choices in this manner.

You work in education and if I remember correctly, you mentioned your own child having some level of disability. Given both of those, I do not understand how you could make such a tone deaf comment regarding Rick's situation with his child.

 

My kid is not disabled.

Most children are still figuring out letters and numbers at four. His kid will have strengths and weaknesses. Find the strengths and work with those.

Once again, the kid is four, and it's his kid.

About two years ago he thought is kid was really smart, IIRC.

 

He is really smart. He's also never going to be capable of holding a job or living on his own. These are not mutually exclusive concepts within the world of autism.

 

Regarding the first line of that post, my apologies. I either misread something you wrote or remembered incorrectly.

The rest of your post demonstrates a stunning level of ignorance regarding autism and and even more disturbing lack of understanding and compassion from somebody who has worked in education.

Put more simply, you have no idea what you are talking about and you are posting like a jackass.

 

Devil, One of the primary obstacles those of us with autistic children (in my youngest son's case it's more than autism) face is risk assessment. I can't speak for Rick, but in my child's case, his risk assessment skills are zero. They will always be zero. He will never live independently. And I am not allowed to die until the day after he does. And I had him at 38. That simple.

 

He'll be five in August. He's an amazing mix of broad deficiencies with amazing bursts of off-the-charts intelligence in the areas that suit him. Every kid with autism has a different set of symptoms and skills, but I don't mind talking about him and hope it helps people understand a little better and make them more comfortable.

He didn't use to, but over the last two years he's developed the full set of autistic quirks: Toe-walking, hand-flapping, head-shaking, etc. But his main symptom is severely deficient communication skills.

He only uses communication for two things: He can label objects (or colors, shapes, animals, whatever) if asked, and he can make requests by saying the name of the object or activity he wants. He's got a surprisingly broad vocabulary for objects and activities that he may want, but that's it. No verbs (other than describing an activity he wants to do), no pronouns, no descriptions, no sentences of any kind. He's never described something that happened in the past or expressed a desire for something to happen anytime other than the present.

He has the social skills of an 18-month old, and he doesn't seem to form attachments to any people besides me.

In short: he is profoundly, permanently mentally disabled. But he has amazing bursts of intelligence as well. Some of his highlights:

Could count past 100, write his full first and last name, and identify every imaginable shape and color before his third birthday.

When he was three, he liked to watch Youtube videos on his touchscreen tablet, especially involving his favorite game, Angry Birds. There was a video where the pigs and birds swear at each other and exchange gunfire, so I took it away and switched to something else. He asked me to pull up a favorite birds video, so I did, and a few seconds later I hear that he's watching the forbidden video again. So I take it away again, and watch what he does. From the starting point of requested video, he scrolls down immediately to the list of "related videos" and selects another, then repeats that six more times until he's back at the video he wanted. I took it away again, then watched him do it again, immediately and with no hesitation. Seven steps from his requested video to the forbidden one, and he had it memorized effortlessly. He's able to use this now to access hundreds of videos he likes from a few starting points he can ask me for.

A couple of months ago, we had to put a parental lock on the downloads for his tablet because he had figured out how to get to the store and buy new games. He knew exactly which games were targetted toward him, he wasn't just downloading randomly. So one day he hands me the tablet like he wants something, and the password screen is up to verify a download he apparently wanted.

It was this game:

a puzzle game where you connect pairs of lettered dots on a grid without crossing any of the lines. I went ahead and downloaded it for him, and in less than 60 seconds, he's cleared the first level, and he starts flying through them effortlessly. Later that night, he was up to the 7x7 levels. I've since seen him complete a 9x9.

This kid, who can't even use simple sentences, had found an app on the store, decided that he wanted it, and immediately understood without an explanation that it was a game and what the rules were. He almost immediately becomes competent in the game, which requires fairly advanced visual logic skills.

But I still can't convince him to let me know when he's pooped or peed in his diaper. He'll just sit in forever if I don't check.

 

I'll actually try to be helpful to the original question, but keep in mind I don't know his friend and everyone is different. How I feel might not be how his friend feels.

But the main thing if it were me is I'd want him to know that he can't make things worse.

Sure, it hurts that my kid is like this and other people's kids aren't, and it hurts being around "normal" kids. I semi-retired to be a stay-at-home dad anyway, but I was still part-timing prep sports until last year, when I decided I just couldn't handle it anymore. Too many kids in the stands, too many kids on the field, doing things my kid won't ever be able to do.

But I promise you: you can't make it worse. The last thing anyone going through that kind of pain needs is to have their friends leave them alone. Just keep being his friend. Talk about your kids, ask about his, and be proud for him of the things she accomplishes. Sure, you feel guilty, but I doubt he wants that. You didn't hurt his kid by having a healthy one.