It's been a long time....

Hello bitches...

Sorry about the lack of Mr. Slang in your world, though I'm sure some of you man-capri-pants wearing chumps have been happy to not see Club in a while. It's all good. Club's had some business to tend to. Mainly boning all of your moms, well except BYH's -- she's rugged.

I do know, however, that many of you have missed me, cuz when I make my cameo appearances to talk some shit about Entourage, or whatever hip-hop nonsense you fools are trying to run out of your mouths, I'm always welcomed with fools wishing me well. Thanks.

Mostly, I just wanted to let ya'll know I'm still alive. I swoop through here every now and then, but ya boy is crazy busy these days and whenever I do come by, I can't figure out who the hell is who anymore since everybody be having some crazy ass names and there's all these new people talking a bunch of dumb shit that I really don't care about. My online time is better used continuing to build up my massive hard drive of dope music, or doin my thing on MySpace.

But shouts out to IJAG, Shotglass, Simon, BYH, Mizzougrad and these of the people I don't hate.

I'm on some Dave Chappelle shit, I disappeared, then pop up outta nowhere and I'll probably leave again and come the fuck back whenever I want. You'll probably think "damn, he's not the same Clubber anymore," just like you thought when you was watching those recent Chappelle shits and that's cool. Whatever. Fuck ya'll anyway.

The good news is that I come bearing gifts. Call me Clubber Clause you lousy slores.

Here's some Clubber-approved songs to get your through the days when you miss me.

THE CLUBBER SLANG MIXTAPE

The Heart Attack - Right Now
This is the new Cee-Lo project (I bet IJAG hated that Gnarls Barkley blew up), if you like G.B., you'll like this. It's some soulful shit. I've been bumping this when I've been doing my recent bonings. You worthless pukes should try it for when you pound you pud to Lindsay Lohan pictures.
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=E537432D06BB5FF4

John Legend - Save Room
Staying with the music to break off some penis into the female species, with this song you won't even need to get her drunk first (Almost Famous), you can just play this smooth as joint and the panties will be Niagara Falls.
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=FF6F06F4085C6C54

Andre 3000 (Outkast) -- Idlewild Blues
A lot of hip-hop heads are hating on this, but this joint is fire to me. Dre is on some juke joint shit with this.
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=49F3162A44EDE363

Lupe Fiasco - Daydream
It wouldn't be some Clubber shit without some dope hip-hop, so check this Lupe Fiasco cat out. He's the truth. He's on some nerd shit, but he's like nerd who grew up to be cool, but still embraces his nerdiness to some extent while making it work for him. Basically, the opposite of Hockeybeat.
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=927EC4D54CEFD091

Pharoahe Monch - Let's Go
Pharoahe is one of the dopest emcees of all time. Period. His flow is nuts.
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=5DEB90D63FE618FF

The Roots - Game Theory
Title track off the new Roots album. It's flames. Whole album is dope.
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=8E5A60CD10201B03

Imma go watch The Wire or some shit. Peace.

 

You had me then you lost me.

 

Someday it will be revealed that, like JJ Hardy, Grady Sizemore, and Khalil Greene, Clubber Slang is a white kid from Peoria.

 

Bitch please.

I admit you tried to bone my mama, you paid her well, but you didn't tell the whole story.

She told me you were all man in your smooth-talking John Legend ways -- until it came time to take your clothes off.

Turns out Clubber doesn't like the ladies to see his naked body.

When she demanded that you doff the tidy whites, you cried like a little baby and rolled up in a little ball on the bed, exclaiming over and over about your inadequete package. She caressed you, trying to make you feel better, but you had none of it, screaming, "DON'T TOUCH IT! DON'T HATE ON MY PENIS!"

She didn't get weirded out, though, until you started sucking your thumb, repeating, "I'm a mutha fucking gansta! I'm a mutha fucking gansta!".

Luckily, she has a PS2, and you slowly sobbed out the night playing Madden with her, only crying in brief spurts when she punked your ass with the Arizona Cardinals.

 

Yeah, but we all bet he lets his kids watch Tom and Jerry.

 

Been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.

Stick that on your mix tape.

 

Especially the version on the otherwise ho-hum Song Remains The Same soundtrack. That thing moves like a motherfucker.

 

Your wife calls me Clubber Sizemore.

 

Clubb aint' worn tighty wightys for close to 10 years. My nuts hang free .... in your mouth

 

i got no idea what you're talking about, holmes

 

Solid.

 

That made me laugh, not really the nuts part so much, but of all the stuff I wrote, you got most offended by the fact that I had you in tidy whites.