It shouldn't be this hard

Sometimes I am so freaked out about my college and medical debts that life just seems futile. The fact that I have to put off things like car repair and dentist appointments for months until I can arrive at that magic pay period where there's an extra hundred bucks, followed by another magic pay period where there's another extra hundred bucks, then I can pay for a $200 repair bill or dentist appointment...well...

It's enough to make me consider quitting doing what I love and taking some soul-destroying PR job. Then I remember that I can do what I love AND have money too, it just will take more work. So I get over my panic.

So much of our attitude about wealth is context. Yeah, I could have been born in a hovel in India. I'm wealthy by global standards: I rent a big 2-bedroom apartment and live alone, I have a car, I have clothes for all seasons and unless money's really tight, I eat more or less whatever I want. I actually am doing just fine...but we live in a materialistic society where our peers set the bar higher than food, shelter and comfort.

I lived in Latin America- twice- and even though my pay wasn't always very good, I felt upper-middle-class because I was surrounded by poverty. Context is huge.

 

the good thing is our kids understand we're among the poorest folks in town. they've understood that college won't be a free ride, that we'll do what we can for them but it would be swell for them to do well enough in school to earn scholarships, etc. the eldest is going to a fine school but didn't do well enough in h.s. to earn any money. it is what it is.

this is just today's reality. the sooner kids in ours position know that we can't keep up with the joneses, the better.

we've raised three smart, excellent people. we've done what we can with what we have. it simply has to be good enough.

 

AA, you are succeeding and making a better life for your child than you had.

Don't ever forget that. All the other things will fall into place in due time.

 

Sometimes, I often wonder where I'd be had I been born a day earlier, or later, had I not booted that bunt in the state championship game, or not met my wife. That said, I couldn't be happier. Things aren't the best, financially, right now, but our heads are above water and we're able to save some for retirement. When I converted to the active duty Army after finishing at Ole Miss, it was the first time Mrs. tbf and I had two full, grown-up incomes since we married in 99.

This whole baby thing isn't supposed to be this hard, either. Shitfuck.

And, every time I step out of the cockpit of a helicopter, I look back and think about the ass-whipping it just gave me and breathe a sigh of relief and feel the tension ease from my muscles.

Alley, you are not alone, brother.

 

It is said travel broadens one. Find out first how the rest of the world deals with survival. And recall that the last time battles were fought on our soil was the Civil War.

I guess I'm just a grumpy old man. But I do understand just how tough life can get. But as tough as it gets, we are still so far ahead of the game when compared to most of humanity.

And just to add a little light to the world, the older you get, the more you worry about your kids and grandkids.

 

Agree with much that is being said on this thread.

I remember when I first bought my house, and my elderly neighbor came to visit. I started telling him how worried I was about spending nearly all of my money to buy it, how worried I was that I would be able to afford the mortgage, ect.

My neighbor replied, "Everyone at your age is broke. You'll look back on this some day, when you have money, and you'll see how much fun your life was when you were younger."

In a weird way, it's true. I'm still worried about money, and working in the newspaper industry has been the cause of considerable angst recently.

But I remember back in college, when I barely had anything, and I did a good job one night at a game with my internship with my school's SID. I got a reward of $20, and remember running back to my apartment, showed my girlfriend (now my wife), the money, and we decided to go out to a bar that night. The beer tasted a little extra good, knowing it was a spontaneous event.

There are no guarantees in life. No matter how hard things seem, you have to have hope that a better day will come eventually.

 

I certainly don't look at life in an entirely negative sense. I'm incredibly blessed in so many areas. I have a fantastic son I get to raise full time, I job I both love and am exceedingly good at (and I get rewarded for my efforts), a home and a family who offers support, without which I couldn't survive.