Is it worth it? Marriage/job question

Magnum, it would appear that the only thing missing is getting the job. If she's cool about moving, the kids basically have no choice in the matter, it would appear that you are the one who is having trepidations over making the move. Do you think you're not ready to move on? Are you afraid to fail? Those are very valid concerns.
Take your time but I don't want to hear from you 20 years ago saying I coulda made a move, or I shoulda made a move.
Like they say in the Nike commercial - JUST DO IT!!!
(But it's hard to do if you don't get the gig).

 

Now that I've seen the update, it doesn't hurt to apply if she's willing to support you and her chief concern really is school for the kids. If the kids are upset about the move, they'll eventually learn to deal with it/make new friends/adjust to the new life, etc.

One thing to think about though, you might find in the course of the application process or the interview that the "dream" paper might actually be a nightmare. Or at the very least, not as much of an upgrade over your current gig as you might think. The good thing is that you're in a great situation now and if the other shop doesn't make you an Offer You Can't Refuse, you have the option of turning it down.

They say the grass is always greener over the septic tank...

 

Echo that. Bigger isn't always better, ya know.

 

IF ...

... You do get offered the job and decide to uproot your family, the single most important thing you can do if you have school-aged children is to research the hell out of the local school districts and get in the best one in your new locale.

It may be years before you fully appreciate the myriad ramifications of having your kids in a great school district vs one that's all messed up, but it can be a huge difference in your quality of life and - more importantly - the lives of your kids.

Love your wife? Love your kids? Get the kids in the best school district you can find.

You can thank me after they've graduated.

 

Thanks. I'm actually living near one of the best schools in one of the best school districts in the state for that very same reason.

Forever and Dan kind of touched on the core of the problem: We're happy now. I'm doing well. Do I want to really want to roll the dice.

I think my married friends on here can agree that just because the spouse says he/she's OK with something doesn't mean she is. Like I said, I still get a subtle guilt trip about having to move to our current location - away from her family - and that was done with her full 'support.'

So even though she said she would support me this time, our conversation actually took the wind out of my sails a bit. I'm going to have to motivate myself a bit to put my clips together. I hear what boots is saying about regret but, all the same, I don't want to regret losing something good that I already have. I'm also a big believer in staying at a paper that treats you well, not necessarily trying to go bigger.

It's just something I need to think about some more. Thank you all again for your help.

 

Which comes back to my previous post. It appears that you aren't ready to uproot.
If you're not ready, it won't work.

 

I'm not afraid of failing. I can do the job. If I was single, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But like others have said, family is No. 1.

 

I respect that. What you have to ask yourself is if you got the job, would it improve your family life or destroy it? That's something only you and your wife can, and should, discuss.

 

Still, if this is a dream job, you have to at least apply. The process is a good experience. Even if you don't make a move this time, chances are you will at some point.

Besides, you'll never forgive yourself if you don't at least check it out. And if you do get it and you talk with your wife and you two both decide it's not worth the move? Simply say no. It's not like you are committing to take it just because you apply.

But definitely some good advice on this thread. Always keep the wife in the loop from day one. You two are supposed to be making decisions together. You can't start keeping things from her just because you are afraid she'll disagree.

 

yeah, second the "you have to apply" sentiment.

you always can say no if it doesn't feel right.

 

i think you also need to take a good look at yourself and make sure that you won't grow to resent you wife (and kids) if you get the offer and turn it down for family reasons.

while it's true that family should always be way more important than whatever job you have, that's easier said than done.

make sure you're mature enough to handle the ramifications of whatever decision is made.

 

Why did it take the wind out of your sails? If you believe in something, go for it. For better and for worse, right? She's there to support you no matter what? I grew up with the Queen of Jewish Guilt Trips, so I know that even the littlest things said in important conversations are said in just the right tone or inflection that makes you feel bad about something you want to do, or have done, or whatnot.

Do you want this job? Really want it? You do what you must do to the fullest, and that includes applying, interviewing and making a decision. If you can't pull up your pants a little bit then maybe it's not the right job for you.