Irony and Alanis--at last

http://www.salon.com/2013/07/17/alanis_morissettes_song_is_finally_ironic/


I dislike salon, but credit where it is due, I liked this.

 

I was just about to post that, ironically.

 

You were going to post it ironically?

 

Outing alert: Irony Police is really the Hurwitz sisters.

 

Ironic and iconic.



YOU KNEW THAT WAS COMING.

 

The defendant, Ms. Eliza Hurwitz, may approach the stand. The Honorable Irony Judge has reached his decisions.

Case 1: A man turns 98, wins the lottery and dies because of a paper cut from the lottery ticket.
Verdict: Not ironic. Winning the lottery has nothing to do with living. The lottery winnings still will benefit the man's family. Had winning the lottery meant he finally would be able to afford the hemophilia medication he needed, this would be ironic.

Case 2: A black fly lands in wine that was purchased to repel black flies.
Verdict: Not ironic. One of two things is true: The wine is defective, or the fly was stubborn and killed by the wine (meaning it was effective). It would be ironic if the wine attracted black flies, but one fly does not mean it attracted black flies, only that it didn't repel this one.

Case 3: A man is pardoned from a death row sentence but is hit by a bus after leaving jail.
Verdict: Probably ironic. We don't have enough details on this one, but if the man was hit by the bus meant to pick him up to leave, then that would make it much closer to irony than simply being hit by a bus the next day.

Case 4: It rains on the day of a wedding planned out with the specific intention of avoiding rain.
Verdict: Probably ironic. Again, more details are needed. If avoiding rain was the couple's top priority in wedding planning, though, we'll allow this to be called ironic.

Case 5: A person is mugged while on a free ride.
Verdict: Not ironic. Details are hazy on this one, as well, but taking a free ride from a stranger seems like a pretty good way to get robbed.

Case 6: Someone forces you to take good advice.
Verdict: Not ironic. Every decent mother does this every day.

Case 7: A man is afraid to drive, so he takes a plane that crashes.
Verdict: Not ironic. It could have been ironic if the plane had exploded while taxiing on the runway. Otherwise, anyone who is so paranoid to be afraid to drive should be aware of the dangers of flight.

Ms. Hurwitz, there also is no irony found in incorrect corrections. Irony Bailiff, take her away. She is sentenced to listening to Alanis Morissette sing the entirety of O. Henry's "The Gift of the Magi."

 

Stick around. You have a future.

 

That's why I have insta-kill on "irony" in copy. If Irony Judge can't even make a clean call on some of these, then it's not worth the abuse from English majors and Hoops McCann

 

I've said that the only way rain on your wedding day would be ironic would be if:

* You live in Seattle and the statistics say that it rains a lot during the time span you'd like to have your wedding and you want to avoid rain on your wedding day.
* You insist on having your wedding during that time span.
* You decide, based on statistics, to move your wedding to Phoenix because the chances of rain on your wedding day are practically nil.
* It rains in Phoenix on the day of your wedding, which you moved to avoid rain (and for extra irony, it didn't rain in Seattle that day).

 

I thought the video "remake" was well done, incorrect use of irony notwithstanding.

The bit with the long loaf of bread ... I laughed out loud.

 

Still not ironic:

Alanis Morissette Updated ‘Ironic’ For Today’s Problems And it’s Hilarious