I'm Numb.

The past 24 hours have been a roller coaster ride. Right now, it feels like the coaster crashed. I'm emotionally paralyzed. But the words Joe Biden's dad spoke to him so many times is going to help me back on feet today. Still, I'm overwhelmed now by frustration, anger and despair.

Here's the story:

It's Thursday. I dropped my son off at kindergarten and came home. I'm just relaxing. Then the phone rings. It's the publisher of a small paper in the neighboring city. He had an opening for an editor. It's nothing major. I'll be writing stories and designing most of the paper, which is published twice a week. I applied for the job three weeks earlier. I was supposed to call and check on the job, but I never bothered. I tend to do that when it seems that the job has been filled. In this case, I was mistaken, partly, at least. The job was to go to a former employee, but that employee approached him and said he or she didn't want it, couldn't do it.

So the guy says he talked to people from my university. I don't know why. I gave him three professional references. But he said he knew people at my university. I guess they gave me a glowing recommendation. That's encouraging. He wants to set up a meeting. We work out Friday afternoon, but he talks a lot on the phone. He seems ready to hire me. He says he just wants to meet me. The meeting time, he says, is perfect. They'll be going through production, and I'll have a chance to see all that takes place.

At this point, I think I have this job. But I'm not ready to tell the world. I'm excited. It's only $30,000, but it's as much as I've made in the past two years of freelancing. I'll have health insurance. We'll be able to buy a house. I'm about to start living the American dream. I have it all figured out. I tell Adrian. She says it sounds great. I told her it wasn't a sure thing, but she doesn't care. She's so excited that she's talked to a bunch of people at work. She's arranged daycare. She's going to move my son to a different school so he'll be close to where she works.

The night falls, and I'm on cloud nine. Obama inspires me. I almost want to tattoo "yes we can" on my arm. I'm working out what I'll wear to the interview. It seems like a casual meeting, so I'm thinking of skipping the suit. After all, it's a small company.

So I go to bed at about midnight, and I get up ready for this exciting day. I figure I'll have a new job by dinnertime. I'm thinking about where we'll go to celebrate. I'm thinking how awesome it'll be to tell my family. I've already told my mom I might have the job. I've told all of my friends on Facebook that I might have a job in another 24 hours.

Then, at 9 a.m., the phone rings. It's the publisher. Apparently, he's changed his mind. He explains that he has someone in the company who wants to the job. It's somebody who lives in the city. (I live five miles away). Of course, I have no idea why this person wasn't up for the job 24 hours earlier. He tells me our meeting is canceled. He doesn't need to see me. He's apologetic. I can barely talk, but I somehow thank him for consideration.

Since I started writing this down, a million thoughts have gone through my mind. Everything from him driving by my house and deciding he doesn't like my lawn to a reference saying that I'm a worthless asshole.

I'm not sure how I'm going to break the news to my wife. Part of me doesn't want to tell anyone. All of me just wants to sit on the couch and stare at the wall. A little bit of me, though, wants to punch the guy in the nose.

It's not that I didn't get the job. I was fine Thursday at 8 a.m. I was happy thinking I have a great life as a stay-at-home dad. I was happy knowing I have enough freelance work to pay the bills even if I don't have enough to buy a house. But this guy had me soaring, and then he popped my balloon.

It's going to be hard to jump right up. But I want to do it. I'm determined. As soon as I can feel my legs again, as soon as I can stand, I'm going to knock this world the fuck out.

 

Wow ... that's a wringer to go through, Stallion. Sorry to hear it.

Try to stay positive and go hit the irons ... it's always what I need to do when I'm pissed at the world.

 

Yeah, to echo Flash's comment, take some frustration out at the gym. Just try to keep your head up. Who knows, maybe that guy will get laid off (not that I wish that on anyone) and you'll be next in line for the job.

 

A story like that is the reason I never tell anyone about a possible job I might get until I get an offer. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and you'll never be knocked off your cloud.

And Flash is right (as usual): Hit the weights and take out your frustration on them.

Good luck.

 

Stay in touch with the guy anyway. I'd probably ask if I could stop by and just meet him anyway. Nothing to lose.

Good luck with the next opportunity.

 

I think maybe you read his post a little too quickly.

 

Oh, fuck...

 

Just remember, everything happens for a reason...

Early in my career, I was dealt what seemed like a crushing blow with a job I thought I was going to get. I wound up at my second choice and met my wife because of it...

 

The publisher is a dick. You don't get people's hopes up like that and then call them the next day and go, "You know what? I've changed my mind. Good luck with your crappy life."
If you were being considered for the job, fine. He could have told you that in a professional manner and made it sound like you were a viable candidate, not a virtual lock.
You also don't cancel interviews with people. What did he have to lose by meeting you? Even if he hired the other guy, at least you would feel like you had a shot.
Although this sucks, I'm sure you'll realize (later if not now) that you're better off not working for that guy.

 

What DemoChristian said. Also, it sure doesn't sound like this was at all about you, I wouldn't be worrying about that. Sounds like this clown has serious issues with organizing and decision-making. His "process" is a mess.

 

this is exactly what I was thinking.

And to echo what others have said/implied...karma is a whore. At some point, you'll be near or at the top of the world, doing what you want on your terms, and this guy will still be fucking up a twice-weekly. And then nothing you could ever say to him will be as satisfying as what you're thinking.

 

Exactly. You may not know why right now, but not having this gig will mean something does happen down the line that, chances are, outweigh this gig.