If you could travel back in time and change one event (in your life) ... ?

I wish I weren't such an asshole to my college girlfriend.
We are Facebook friends and she is in a great place personally and professionally.
But I was very self-serving, she was a good girl and she deserved a better effort from me.

 

I read that wrong at first and was trying to figure out if "bluefisting" was a new sex term I had not yet found out about (or seen online).

 

Pretty sure that's when you fist a Smurf.

 

I thought it was when a woman masturbates on an airplane toilet?

 

Well, I've never engaged in bluefisting. The term makes me think of the scene from 'Curse of Lono.'

I don't eat hash anymore. Drugs are really for kids, sadly.

 

I would not make this post.

 

There was a fire in my apartment building today, which made me realize an event from my past I would like to change.

I'd like to go back to the rainy afternoon when my grandmother's interns taught little-kid me that fire (more specifically, lightning) will burn my house down, and make them STFU. I have been supremely pyrophobic ever since, to the point that my high school and college chem lab partners had to do pretty much anything involving a bunsen burner, I light the Hannukkah menorah with a mug of water nearby, and I need to psych myself up to boil water on my gas stovetop.

Oh, and thunderstorms make me want to hide under the couch.

 

First, I would go back to Oct. 19, 1987, and instead of signing the papers for that new truck I couldn't afford, I would have put down the pen, turned around and walked away.

Then, I would have gotten back into my 1980 Chevy Citation, said a prayer to the car gods, and hoped it would make it the 2 hours it took to drive to my grandparents' house in a deep rural area. I would have done this instead of having the loan papers sent to them to cosign. I would have sat down in the big green recliner next to my grandfather's big green recliner, taken in a big whiff of smoke from his Lucky Strike, and said, "I'm ready to listen now, sir." And the things I would have learned from that conversation would have made my life completely different from that point, in a lot of good ways.

Instead, he stopped giving me unsolicited advice. I made a lot of bad decisions from that point on, decisions I'm still paying for today.

I let them do for me all the things I wanted them to do. I wish I had let them do for me some of the things they wanted to do.