If you could attend one fake sports event...

Oh shit, Dr. Hook brings the all-time goons back to Charlestown!!!

 

The last playoff game between Charlestown and Syracuse.

"The Chiefs have won the championship of the Federal League!!!"

 

Imagine coming back to the office and trying to explain that to your editor, though?

Editor: So who won?
Writer: The umm...the Beavers. Wolf. There was a wolf.
Editor: They weren't playing the Wolves. That was last week. They were playing the Cadets today. What are you jabbering about? Are you drunk again?
Writer: The point guard. He turned into a werewolf in the second quarter. Finished with a quadruple-double.
Editor: Oh, I get it! You mean he was like an animal on the court! That makes sense now. A little cheesy, but we can work with it. Can you squeeze it into 12 inches?
Writer: The guy was a fucking werewolf! He had hair all over his body! After the game, the little prick chased my car because of something I wrote about the team last month!
Editor: The Howard kid? Yeah, I guess he is becoming a man. He's about that age. I remember covering him in Y ball. I didn't think he was that confrontational, though. So he followed you to your car?
Writer: No, he chased it. Down the street. He was running after it. I didn't lose him until I hit the interstate.
Editor: Well, we'll have to have a talk with the AD about that.
Writer: I...I just can't deal with this. I'm on a werewolf's shit list. I may need to quit.
Editor: Finish your story first, then you can go home.

 

And the next day, the Beavers' parents start calling the editor:

"YOU ONLY COVER US WHEN OUR POINT GUARD BECOMES A WOLF!"

 

Ace Ventura Pet Detective. Dolphins beat the Eagles in the Super Bowl.

 

Little 500 in Breaking Away

or

hockey game in Mystery, Alaska

 

The baseball game in the cornfield between the ghosts in Field of Dreams.

 

Bad News Bears vs. Yankees

Yeah, it's little league, but that would have been a hell of a gamer.

 

Allow me to go literary on y'all. The thousand-inning epic between the 1908 Chicago Cubs and the Iowa Baseball Confederacy all-stars. Any game where Death plays outfield might be worth a look.

Or Quentin Cassidy's mile vs. John Walton in "Once a Runner."

 

What about the perfect perfect game in The Scout?

 

Ditka vs. da Bears

 

The raft race in "Up The Creek."
The Ridgemont High game where Jefferson goes nuts because the other school trashed his car.
The state championship game where Angel High wins - much to the chagrin of Porky, who bet on the other team.