I keep having awkward exchanges ...

When I'm out and about, I'm usually pretty measured and tactful, but for some reason over the last two days, I've had some run-ins and weirdness.

Both occurred on my beat last night. At halftime, I was pouring over my notes at my courtside seat, oblivious as ever to the halftime show about to commence. It was the dancers from the school I cover.

As the music starts, probably some C&C Music Factory bullshit, the dance coach positions herself in the seat next to me, to lend the requisite spirit for her team.

Her method? Scream like she was Hitler giving a speech at Nuremberg. Support at the school I cover is lacking just a tad (usually 30 percent capacity is cause for celebration), so her Deutschland Uber Alles cheering was reverberating off the empty seats, making it even worse. From my position the decimal level was about 100 notches above the Metrodome in the '87 World Series. And her face? Yikes. It was collagen having an orgasm.

I couldn't stand it, so I got up and noticed the SID and stat crew in the row behind me were laughing their asses off. I said something lame like, "She's got me fired up! I'm going to go out and shake my ass!" and I did some half-assed shimmy.

Well, she saw it. And while she never interrupted her Munich Beer Hall Putsch routine, she shot me a look that indicated I was definitely treading into the German dominatrix punishment forbidden zone. I got the fuck out of Dodge ASAP.

Later, I'm in the media room waiting around for the coaches to start the presser. The Seahawks-Packers game is on the tube and everyone is slackjawed about snow in Seattle.

My peer covering the other school chimes in. OTR probably knows who this dude is, he is known for his eccentricity, covering events there's no way in hell his small rag should in a million years be covering (like, frankly, Monday's game), and being old as fuck. I'm talking way old, as in, Spnited tells jokes about his age.

Anyway, he starts going on and on, acting like he's God's gift to institutional sports knowledge, about a game where the Seahawks played the 49ers in Seattle in the 1980s and someone threw a snowball out on the field during a field goal attempt and it messed up the timing enough for the kicker to miss and the Seahawks won by a point.

Trying to walk the tightrope of being tactful, while not sounding snarky and still lighting his dumb ass up I said, "Yeah, that was the Broncos and 49ers. Indirectly cost the 49ers the game. But I think they changed the rules so you could call penalties on that stuff. Couldn't have been Seattle, the Seahawks played inside in the 80s. "

But instead of letting the sweet, awkward silence set in, I let him off the hook.

"Speaking of that, you want to know the greatest throw I ever saw? When I was a student at Ball State, we had a freak snowstorm the night before an October game against Western Michigan. There was plenty of snow in the stands and the snowballs were flying. Anyhow, Western Michigan had to punt from midfield in front of the students, who are a pretty good ways off the field. But some dude threw a snowball from well up the bleachers and hit the punter's facemask right as he was going to catch the punt and it was blocked. I'm telling you, when you combine the object, length and difficulty of throw and the accuracy, I've never seen anything like it."

All of what little color he had in his face drained out.

"Did they call a penalty?"

"No. I don't think the refs ever saw it."

All of the sudden, I was smack dab in the middle of Michael Douglas' Falling Down.

"Well, I can't believe they condone that stuff. This country has gone to hell in a handbasket. All that cheering tonight by the students, when the other team was shooting free throws? I don't think they should allow that ... EVER! I remember covering a game in 1950, some students did that, and the coach got on the PA and told them to respect the opponent. He was RIGHT to do it too!"

I said nothing except utter a few uh-huh's. My mouth was gaped too wide open.

"Nowadays, they practically condone that stuff. I think fans should sit in their seats and watch the game with some respect! It just burns me up! All that yelling, how would they like it?"

Then the train really went off the rails as he got more in my face.

"This country," he said with disgust and a hushed tone which indicated it was just the "dudes" talking. " ... a President sticks a cigar in someone's vagina and his popularity goes up! How do you explain that?"

I uttered an "I dunno" which probably would have indicated to anyone but him the true horror I had got myself into. You know how in TV shows you see people comically stepping backwards from people like that? That's exactly what I did.

"I need a stat book. See you around."

"You already have a book, right?"

"It's for the desk, they, uh, collect them."

Edit: I originally had another awkward exchange, but I deleted it. Didn't feel right about it.

 

does this count as one?

 

What happened to the second Bubbler post?

I was going to say that the yard waste proclamation is soooo something I would do... it does create quite the awkward moment when someone you're not expecting to be around witnesses said neurotic outburst...

 

Dont fuck with Western Michigan, bubs...

 

Comically backing away from thread....

 

You covered a game with Hondo?

 

I have no advice but I wish I had been here to read the deleted story. Because the other two are pure gold.

 

Binky Beauregard: [Sharp, posing as an assistant cheerleading coach, is looking dour at a game] Where's your happy face?
Roland Sharp: This *is* my happy face

 

Good post, as always Bubbler.

But don't be so quick to scurry from the Germany dominatrix punishment zone next time.

 

Awkward, as compared to the Oceans of Goo exchange, which was ... what, exactly?

 

Fictional.