I just gave somebody road rage...

It has been raining up here and I was driving in the right lane when out of nowhere these orange parking cones are in the middle of the road. I stop and look in my mirrors and get into the left lane. All of the sudden, some guy in a huge white SUV is right on my tail laying on his horn for 20 seconds and flipping me off, etc.

Naturally, because he stays on my tail for so long and keeps flashing his brights and honking his horn, I flip the bird back. Oops... I keep driving, don't make eye contact, and start pulling into my apartment building's parking lot when I see he swerved over two lanes of traffic and is fast-approaching. I freak out so I start driving away from my actual apartment and get as far away as possible so he won't pull me out of my car and rob me or something.

He cuts me off and gets out of his car and starts screaming at me, telling me I'm a f***ing a**hole and demands my driver's license. Uhh, what? I was like why do you need my license? He tells me I ruined his breaks because he had to slam on them, and I'm freaking out and wondering what this lunatic would do if I gave him my license.

I told him "I'm not giving you my license, I'm sorry, I checked my mirrors and you weren't there, and it's rainy so I skidded to a stop when I saw those parking cones. Sorry," and he gets into his car, says some profanity about how I need to learn to drive, and drives off. Meanwhile, with him still looking at me, I pull into a different apartment complex across the street and wait until he leaves.

It shook me up big time. People have flipped me off and/or honked at me before, but never followed me a mile or so down the road. :-\

 

Reminds me of a time when a guy followed my then-editor home back in 1993. He was giving me a ride and he stopped off at his house before driving me back to mine. I don't remember if someone cut him off or he inadvertently cut someone else off, but I do remember the guy followed him to his house.

I've been known to take windy back roads when I suspect someone is following me.

 

I hope you reimbursed the gentleman for his brakes, Jay.

 

You're an asshole, Jay. Where'd you get your driver's license, out of a Cracker Jack box?

 

You're lucky I didn't kick your ass, Jay. My breaks are fucking toast.

Fucking asshole.

 

He kept yelling and saying his brakes were shot, and then he pointed to his pedal like I was going to see that his entire brake system had fallen out of his car, or something. Obviously flicking the guy off was a bad idea, but who is so pissed that they follow you home? /shudder

 

It must not have been you. I ruined someone's brakes.

 

So, is he saying he never uses his brakes? I thought that's what they were for.

 

Oh, now you're fucking dead. Nobody points out me screwing up a homophone! NOBODY!

Fuck, I need some sleep.

 

Take a brake, Dickie C.

 

If you ruined his brakes, how'd he manage to stop when you stopped?

 

I once had a guy literally try to commit vehicular homicide on me because I cut him off trying to get onto a busy road.

I had been sitting there, trying to get out for about four minutes and finally decided I had to just get aggressive and make a move. I saw an opening and popped out, but not so close that the guy even had to slam on his brakes or anything.

So he pulls up alongside of me, flips me the bird and I can see he's yelling profanities at me. So I smile and laugh. That really set him off and he started giving me the throat slash gesture.

The light ahead turns green and I start driving and make a right to head toward the highway. He cuts off someone else (hypocrite!) to move over and follow me. I come up on a red light and was going to run it, but there were other cars and I couldn't. So the guy pulls up alongside of me, still screaming and keeps jerking his truck forward at my car as if he's going to hit. I yell back, "Go ahead and hit me you fucking idiot, you'll pay for the damage too."

He thinks better of it and when the light turns green, I burn him off the line and start making for the highway. I, however, am only willing to do about 20 mph over the speed limit (45). He comes screaming past me at probably 90, pulls in front of me and jams on the brakes. I swerve around him and head for the on ramp.

He comes up on me again, on the on-ramp and starts trying to run me off the road. I do my best Maverick impression and slam on the brakes and let him fly right by. Then I take off again and begin to try to merge. Up ahead, he slams his brakes and opens his door, trying to make me take it off.

I swerve past it and neatly tuck into traffic - I swear I should be a NASCAR driver the way I maneuvered this whole thing - and he comes after me again. Once again, I managed to get behind him and now I'm calling 911 and getting his plates.

The as I'm talking to 911, he takes an exit. I tell the operator where he is going and give her the license plate. She said she would send a unit after him, but I assume they never got him or really even bothered to try.

That was some scary shit, but I have to say, I was damn proud of my driving skills after that.