I Found a New Drug

The first time I took mushrooms in college, I could see everything. As in, my peripheral vision was just as good as focusing straight ahead, and every color was so vibrant it almost made me cry. Everything was funny, even when it wasn't, and I could drink beer like it was water without ever feeling it. Also didn't feel the mini-thins and bong hits, just the glorious awareness of the shrooms. At the toughman fights, I could see the punches before they were thrown, and even thought Cathy with a "C" was sitting four seats away from me, I was aware of every move she made, especially that sweet, sweet ass. The night didn't end until 5 or 6 a.m., and even then it was too early.
The next time I took shrooms, I wished I was dead. So sick the next day, I was an hour late to my liquor store job and going in and out of the beer cooler damn near killed me.
Acid didn't do much, but it was good for sex all night.

 

I can't believe you've all done dope, not cool.

 

Wow, is your hubby to be in for years of angst. It could not happen to a nicer chap.

 

I broke my arm in Bermuda back in 1997 and had to have surgery.
I was there working a tennis remote and when I was released from the hospital 2 days later, I went back to the resort where the tennis was taking place.
5 minutes after showing up, someone pulls me aside and says, "Hey, did they give you any percoset? I'll give you $50 for a couple."
Me: astonished look..."Sorry, I'm not sure what they gave me for pain."
10 minutes later, another pulls me aside...."Um, what did they give you for pain?"
Me: What the hell is going on here?
About an hour after that..."Hey, did they give you any Percoset?"

Went back to the room, found the bottle, it was Percoset, I flushed it.

 

really? I'd have sold it......

 

Thanks to SportsJournalists.com for once again reminding me that I've led an extremely boring life. :-\

All I've got is the prescription ointments that make my eczema clear up within two days. It's not a high or anything, but I do gaze at my no-longer-chapped-and-itchy hands and feel very satisfied.

 

My one and only decent drug story is pretty lame, but I'll share.

Like most, I messed around with weed, and this fair night, I was to mess around again. Our weapon of choice for the weed was a gold one-hitter, which made sure you got the smoke unfiltered.

My weed buddy shows up with the stuff. He had a connection with my alma mater's basketball team manager, who had a connection with one of the players. We wouldn't be smoking ordinary weed that night, little did I or my buddies know that this was opium-laced weed.

This was a high from on high. All I remember was staring at their furnace and laughing my ass off, biting into a Starburst and the taste of it feeling like an orgasm when it hit my mouth, rolling to Taco Bell, and driving home high as all get out -- impaired probably 1,000 times more than your worst drunk driver.

All of that is uneventful enough, but it was the relapse that hit my ass.

Worked a high school basketball game the next night, and all was well until the third quarter, when the shit kicked it again. I think my then I was smart enough to write around what I didn't know, and I'm sure my gamer has little or nothing of the third quarter, because most of it was spent looking in wonder at the gorgeous colors inside the Fort Wayne Luers gym and staring zombie-like at the cheerleaders, admiring their beauty. Not in a horny way, in that child-like wonder way, noting how pretty they were ... like flowers.

It faded by the fourth quarter, with only the week-long cottonmouth to remind me of my adventure. Alas, I'll probably never touch that Misty Mountain Hop of pleasure in a non-sexual way ever again.

Jones, we need to hook up in Barcelona some time. You bring the morphine, I'll buy the Absinthe.

 

Bubs, absinthe ain't the be-all end-all, but it's a sneaky motherfucker. You think you're doing fine, and then you realize that the world is about an inch out of plumb. After that, all bets are off.

 

In high school -- now there's a pun -- in the 1970s, this was called "Thai stick." I believed it when I was told about the opium because its effect was unlike anything else I experienced, but I've since read that they are not dipped in opium, it's just very, very strong, resinous buds.

 

Highest ever was a pinner that four dudes toked on. We didn't finish, and still my legs were nonexistent for an hour afterward. Told it was 25 years worth of breeding the perfect bud, but it could have been lighter fluid for all I knew. Strange, and just a little scary.

 

I don't get it.

 

If beer is a drug, that makes me Keith Freaking Richards.