I can't figure her out for the life of me: UPDATED

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

Ehh, he seems whipped so much that there isn't much fortitude to pull of Spader.

 

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

I'd rock his murse off.

 

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

I didn't say he should throw himself headlong and never look back ... he has to be wary of her motives.
At the same time -- if he really likes her -- he has to allow for the chance of a relationship. If not, then stop it right now; it won't work.

You say your thoughts always go back to her, so you have feelings. Now, does she? She may be playing you, and you have to be willing to accept that.

But like I said in the first post, don't force anything. Go to the concert, have fun, be yourself and don't translate your feelings toward her as meaning she has feelings for you.

 

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

Weary or wary or both?

 

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

Wary ... but, yeah, I suppose it could get weary

 

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

I don't know how old you are, but I'm going to assume you're not a wet behind the ears kid. The friendship thing is a BIG mistake. No one can take advantage of you unless you let them. If you go along with this take it slow attitude, you'll slow yourself right into a dead stop. Be a man, a mature no nonsense confident man and tell her the way things need to be for this to work for you. "I like you very much and I want to be more than friends. How do you feel?" Any waffling, any uncertainty is to be taken as a negative answer. Then you tell her you're sorry that she doesn't feel the same way, but that you're moving on. Then do it. No contact at all.

You're better than all this bullsh*t. Believe it. Live it. That will make it so. Don't sit back and let life happen to you, go out and get what you want. If it's not meant to be with her, better to stop now and move on so you find the one that you are meant to be with. You deserve it.

 

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

"Women don't get wooly. No one gets wooly. Women get weary."


Also, owly, listen to Thomson. He speaks with wisdom.

 

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

Excellent advice, very well put.

I wish somebody had told me exactly that 15 years ago. And then a year later when I did the same stupid shit, but with a different girl.

Owl-flavored, it sounds like you can't just be friends with this woman. You'll always want more. So why settle for a situation that leaves you unhappy?

 

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

Allow me to speak again.

I tend to develop crushes on my friends. Nothing ever comes of it. Do I want more? Generally yes. Does it affect my friendships? Not even slightly. I still like hanging out with them for them, and realize that what I want isn't what's going to happen.

I don't think it's a black-and-white thing. Perhaps Owl can be friends with said girl and deal with his feelings as they fade away. If not, then yes, he should cut and run.

 

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

Agreed. I'm not saying you can't just be friends with someone that you have those types of feelings for. It depends on how deep those feelings are and how uncomfortable you are accepting less than you want from the relationship.

I think in this case, Owl's feelings run deep enough that it may be hard for him to be comfortable just being friends with this woman. Her constant mixed signals definitely don't make it any easier.

 

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

They kissed for 10 minutes -- mouths closed! He doesn't want just friendship. He's said as much.

 

Re: I can't figure her out for the life of me.

The way I see this is, this is my opportunity to take back the situation. As I said, when we first met, we were both in horrible places, but we saw enough good and enough potential to hang out. Believe me, I'm in a much better state of mind than I was back then.

I don't want to and I won't go overboard with puppy-dog eyes or anything like that. I'll show off my master chef skillz and make a great picnic dinner, we'll have a bottle of wine and we'll enjoy the show. I truly don't want to play games with her, I'm just trying to show the real me. No overboard stuff, no niceties, maybe I'll give her a hug and that's it afterward.