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HS football game story

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by bballscribe, Oct 31, 2006.

  1. bballscribe

    bballscribe Member

    just wanted some feedback on strengths/weaknesses...


    With 57 seconds remaining in last Friday's tension-filled district battle against the Cy-Fair Bobcats, Cy-Falls coach David Raffield faced a dilemma that would end up deciding the game.

    After Golden Eagles senior quarterback Jeff Welch scored his second touchdown of the game moments before on a 2-yard touchdown run that cut the Bobcats lead to 21-20, Raffield debated whether to go for a 2-point conversion or an extra point kick that could tie the contest.

    "(Bobcats junior back) Sam McGuffie is the best offensive football player in the city of Houston, if not the nation," Raffield said. "We made a call that was dependent on the fact that we didn't think we could stop him in overtime. So we decided to win the game then and let our special teams step up."

    The decision paid vast dividends as senior Jack Freeman took a handoff and scampered to the left for a successful 2-point attempt that gave the Golden Eagles a 22-21 victory before an exuberant crowd at the Berry Center.

    McGuffie - who tallied 128 of his 220 yards after halftime - scored first to open the second half with an 8-yard burst that broke a tied score at 14.

    Cy-Falls answered when Welch (7 of 18 passing for 131 yards and a TD) connected with Freeman on a 56-yard bullet that shattered what had been a shaky start for the Eagles offense.

    "I was trying to get everything done too fast in the first half," Welch said. "I was rushing everything. I settled down at halftime and relaxed and just played football."

    McGuffie (31 carries for 220 yards and 3 TDs) added his third score of the night on a 30-yard run to gain back the lead for Cy-Fair at 21-14 with 10:56 remaining in the game.

    After each team was forced to punt on ensuing offensive possessions, Welch (13 carries for 89 yards and 2 TDs) led the pivotal game-clinching drive of nine plays for 88 yards, capitalized with his second rushing score of the night.

    "We knew what we had to do," Welch said. "We knew we had to score. There was so much adrenaline in our huddle and it was the greatest feeling in the world when we scored."

    Eagles senior Geoff Dobbin (66 all-purpose yards) and junior Shane Turner (14 carries for 145 yards) produced significantly for the Eagles, while seniors Corey Chance (6 of 11 passing for 65 yards) and Caleb Ramsey (three receptions for 51 yards) aided the Bobcats' offensive output.

    Cy-Falls now stands as the lone club in 17-5A with an undefeated district mark at 4-0, and has won its last five contests.

    "This is one step in the process of this season," Raffield said. "Our ultimate goal is to play until December 23, and to do that we have to keep winning. So we're just going to get better each week, play as hard as we can and trust our faith."
  2. tx_spts

    tx_spts Member

    I thought it was pretty good. One thing I would have done is maybe put the game-winning play before the quote from the coach because the coach tells you his team won before you give the score and tell what happened. I know its a personal style issue, but for a game story, I prefer putting the stats somewhere in the story instead of in the parenthesis. Would be different if it were in a notebook or brief.
  3. bydesign77

    bydesign77 Active Member

    also, you broke the cardinal rule of never putting any score before the final score first.
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