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How to deal with a breakup

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by RedHotChiliPrepper, May 29, 2006.

  1. Opening up here for my SportsJournalists.com family, mainly because I trust you guys and gals for some helpful advice regarding this whole relationship bull.

    Last week my girlfriend of eight months decided there were some hangups in our relationship that she just couldn't get over. In a brief synopsis

    -She could never get over that my best friend is a girl
    -She often times complained about not getting to see me enough (She works 8-4:30, I work 4:30-midnight)
    -I'm ready to leave this God-forsaken town I'm in because I went to high school and college here and she's not on the same page with that

    I guess the biggest hangup for her was the not being able to spend enough time with me. She said she realized that even if some day we were to get married, she would only see me the same amount of time she sees me now and she decided she couldn't deal with that the rest of her life.

    The breakup was a huge surprise for me. Things the last two months or so have never been better between us ... or so I thought.

    She asked me to stop by her house last monday after work and told me of her decision. I didn't have time during the week to deal with it because I put in a 6-day, 60-hour week where I was out of the office every day. I then had to make a two-hour trip one night for a Friday-Saturday state track meet.

    So now that I'm sitting here at my desk, doing work, in an office by myself (our other staffers working tonight are in the main newsroom, I'm in a side sports office), this has been weighing on my mind very much so and I know it's making me grumpy and just plain sad.

    All that said, what the hell am I supposed to do now? This was my first real serious relationship and I had recently came to the realization that it was leading toward the road of getting married, which although scary to me, had me excited.

    I don't know what to do with myself. My best guy friend just moved back with his parents in Texas (I'm in the Northeast). My best friend attends a big college an hour and a half away and she's leaving in two weeks to live with my buddy in Texas. The two other people in my close group of friends are moving in together in a town enough of a drive away to make it a pain to get together.

    I'm fu**ing lost. And besides the obvious get drunk responses, does anyone have any real advice on how to deal with all this?

    This growing up shit sucks.
  2. DyePack

    DyePack New Member

    Is this a breakup, or are you just on a break?

    Seriously, though, would this problem be solved if one of you worked different hours? Because if that's all it takes, the decision seems easy.
  3. It's a breakup. She told me she doesn't believe in breaks.
  4. imjustagirl2

    imjustagirl2 New Member

    Being dumped sucks. I never knew how much. But it does. And I can commiserate with you.

    But the things I would suggest (eat ice cream, cry with friends, shop, watch girly movies) probably wouldn't work as well for you.

    All I can tell you is that the pain and distraction will likely hang around for a while. You'll go a little bit without thinking about it, and then it will slam back into you like a fucking wall. Small things will remind you: a song, a smell, a place.

    But then, slowly but surely, you'll start hurting less. And the sun will shine more. And you'll meet someone, even if you don't know she's "someone"  yet.

    This job sucks for meeting people, and it sucks even more for keeping them. But beyond the hours, if she had issues with your best friend, that's going to be hard to deal with, as is the not feeling the same way about where you live.

    Just accept that it's going to suck for a bit, try to shove it out of your head when you have to, and look forward to the day you don't have to.
  5. tonysoprano

    tonysoprano Member

    My man, I feel for ya.

    I woke up this morning to a phone call from my girlfriend, telling me she was dumping me. We've been together for awhile, and marriage was the next stop.  But she'd recently revealed she had some personal issues she was dealing with, and I knew this is what would happen (I'd seen it coming for awhile). It had stressed me out for a long time, and I really wasn't happy. So this morning, I wasn't shocked, and quite honestly, it felt like a burden was lifted.

    Advice? Take care of you. Do what you enjoy doing for fun. Be thankful for the time you and your lady had together, but look ahead.

    Won't be easy, but it certainly does no good to stand still.
  6. sportschick

    sportschick Active Member

    I feel your pain, man. I think I started a really similar thread Friday night.

    Course if I do what to do about that kinda shit, I wouldn't have started my thread.

    I hope things get better, and I recommend retail therapy myself.
  7. Freelance Hack

    Freelance Hack Active Member

    Of course she breaks up with you just as you're aboout to have more time to spend with her. Just be gald it happened now, when your roots with her aren't that deep.

    It sounds like you're ready to leave where you are (or maybe you need a little more experience or a better opportunity). Maybe this will be a blessing in disguise for you. You'll be able to leave with a clearer conscience and, who knows, maybe you'll find Mrs. (or Mr.) Right.

    Also, play "Send in the Clowns" a lot. Wish I could offer more. Sorry. :(
  8. SF_Express

    SF_Express Active Member

    Wish I could say something profound, but as a veteran of breakups and a couple of marriages, it's indeed just a time thing.

    My most recent and I have "broken up" but still see each other several times a week in our mutual saloon and are friendly and everything -- it's a long story -- but I don't know if that ultimately makes it better (friendly breakup) or worse (harder to move forward).

    Hang in there, man. No easy answers, unfortunately.
  9. Moderator1

    Moderator1 Moderator Staff Member

    Call my son, ask him what I told him when he got the brown helmet.

    It's rock solid advice and I cannot post it on a message board.  
  10. Who Knows

    Who Knows Member

    That's a crappy way to break up with someone. Breaking up should never be done over the phone.
  11. DyePack

    DyePack New Member

    If your best friend is moving to Texas, doesn't that solve one problem?

    I say you try to fix the problems. If that doesn't work, then you move on to the hard-core stalking, leaving of small, dead rodents on her front porch, etc.
  12. Freelance Hack

    Freelance Hack Active Member

    At least Tony got to hear her saying it's over. Ever get a Dear John e-mail?
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