Houston Chronicle "position-elimination program"

Theirs are straight buyouts. The position-elimination program will only be employed there when the buyouts don't slice a sufficient amount.

 

Positions eliminated today:

standing

seated

crouched

fetal

tiptoe

plie

downward-facing-dog

prone

arms akimbo

parade rest

reclined

upright

coiled and ready to strike

forward-leaning, tilted at waist, fists balled

wrestlers ready

three-point stance

spread eagle

en garde

...

All others please report to Human Resources.

 

Whew. Baked chicken survived the cut.

 

An earlier memo overlooked several departments. Will the following positions please report to the reception desk to interface with building security:

missionary

snake-rising-to-greet-the-sun

'on'

'off'

lotus

seated, legs crossed at ankles

seated, legs crossed at knees

'whip'

'blend'

'puree'

down on all fours
...

We regret the inconvenience. Human Resources.

 

How about "fifth."
Jete!
Jete!
Pas de barre!

 

Zut alors!

 

I think Gannett's Center of Excellence cough(call center)cough - is hiring.

 

Positions just added:

supine

untenable

unenviable

curled up in a wee ball

cruciate

draped over the fainting couch in a posture of perfect sensuous languor

...

Please report to the pay window. HR

 

Thank God the reverse cowgirl is still there.

 

On the bubble. We're waiting word from HR.