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High school gamer- again

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by SteveRomano13, Oct 15, 2014.

  1. SteveRomano13

    SteveRomano13 Member

    Here's another gamer. Take a look and critique if you have a chance

  2. jr/shotglass

    jr/shotglass Well-Known Member

    That's an upgrade. Definitely. Story flowed much better.

    One thing that was missing: What does it mean? What are their records? Did this have any affect on a league race, or playoff points?

    Many writers do it, but I don't think it needs to be part of any "laundry list" to detail the teams' next opponents at the end.
  3. SteveRomano13

    SteveRomano13 Member

    Thanks for the comments JR. Really appreciate them.
  4. novelist_wannabe

    novelist_wannabe Well-Known Member

    JR is spot on. Gotta get team records in there and add details that are outside of this one game -- winning streak/losing streak, end of frustration against this particular opponent (Agawam had lost four straight to Northampton, or something along those lines), what the result does for the team in the standings. Overall though this isn't bad. A lot of metros out there would run it.
  5. BDC99

    BDC99 Well-Known Member

    Scampered? Please don't use that in your gamers. Just say he put his head down and ran as hard as he could or something. But a good effort overall. Just with what others have said. What does the win mean in the big picture. And I hate when it just lists who they play next at the end, but everyone seems to do it to fill it out. Just seems unnecessary to me, unless next week's game has big implications on the season.
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