Help Me! Earwigs!

They're afraid of fire, Pete. I say torch the place.

 

I read they're nocturnal. I have every light on in the apartment — except in the baby's room and the master bedroom where my wife is sleeping. Otherwise, two hall lights, dining room, kitchen and lamp in living room.

 

I read they're attracted to light.

 

Not. Funny.

 

That's too bad for your wife. I bet she's covered in them. Oh, and enjoy sleeping in your big, comfortable earwig -- I mean bed.

 

Not. Kidding.

http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/2000/2068.html

 

Don't think your strategy will work, Pete.

 

Burn, Pete. Burn the house.

 

God. We need to buy a house.

I can't take this.

I just shut off every light. Only the TV and the computer monitor are on.

 

Now you're overreacting.

Do you have some cat litter? That's usually almost all diatomaceous earth, which should drain all the moisture from their exoskeletion. They dry out, they can't move, they die.

 

Just raise a couple colonies of fire ants inside your place and you should be fine.

 

Dude, they're earwigs. They're so far from the worst bugs you could have in your house that you can't even see them from there.