Help! I have no idea what to write

As some of you know, I've been out of the loop for about a month. I'm playing catch-up, and unfortunately I just wrote two of the more lame columns I've ever subjected readers to. See? I'm ending sentences with prepositions to boot.

So anyway, my boss wants me to write an "advance" for next week's conference media days. And I think, it's not a game. Fans aren't invited. It's not being held here. It's two states away. What does an "advance" for media days say, and who cares? Should I give the starting lineups, aka the order of the speakers. I mean, really, wtf?

I know there is some way to do this story and make him happy. I just can't think of it. And I've already written two very lame columns about the upcoming media days, so ...

Any ideas? I'm hoping someone here has ideas, because I do not. Sigh.

 

Jason? Is that you?

 

Thank you, but no.

 

That is among the lamest ideas I've ever heard.

But if you want to be a team player, maybe you could do something funny.

Project what the coaches may say vs. what they are really thinking.

Tell readers what writers do at these media days (set the tape recorder down and hit the bar).

Something like that. I would not get serious about advancing this gabfest.

 

An advance for media days? This is the SE's brilliant idea? Wow.

 

His brilliance would be lost on 99.9 percent of sports journalists.

 

Or (and I still hate the SE's suggestion) maybe you could look back on what the coaches said last year at Media Day and how it all panned out.

 

First off, I'll quote Churchill: "A preposition is a terrible thing to end a sentence with."

Secondly, I'll tell you what I did a couple years ago for a remarkably similar problem, no, exactly the same problem. I wrote an "advance" centered around 12 questions, one for each school. Said each day we'd answer the questions for the teams who were featured that day. Did a couple other things daily for the other schools, but that was the hook for the advance.

 

That's actually a great idea.

 

Del, I thought he said: "Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put."

And I wrote a (yes, lame) column with one question for each coach. Very stupid. People (and I use that term loosely) loved it. And then, a follow-up. So I'm all out of that angle. In fact, I'm lucky to still be employed.

I am becoming fond of the 2005 look-back idea in a big way ...

 

You're not thinking about this design dimensionally.

You need lots of logos and a possibility for a cutout or a giant numeral.

Once you have those things, sell it to the designers. Then it doesn't matter if you write MacBeth or The Devil Wears Prada. After all, does anyone actually read the stories any more?

Just give them the eye candy.

 

Remember me when voting for member of the year.