He'll fight for weird casting, wherever there's taste . . .GI Joe is here!

All correct. One of the two you missed is the one I had to look up, too.

And yes, for those wondering, Steeler was from Pittsburgh.

 

Sienna Miller can't act her way out of a bad date and is completely miscast in this role. Channing Tatum sounds like a never-will-be who only got cast because Mark Wahlberg wasn't available. Marlon Wayans is one of the Wayans brothers — 'nuff said. Quaid and Gordon-Levitt ... eh, maybe they needed the money¹. Not even Eccleston can save this.

Epic fail.

¹Joseph Gordon-Leavitt has said that when he returned to acting after college he made a concious decision to "be in good movies." The live-action remake of Akira might fill that bill, but not this flick.

 

Were the other two Zap (RIP) and Grand Slam?
And, if you're going with the "modern" Devil's Due continuity, I think Sparks is eligible too. He wasn't in the original series, but the current book has him lurking around since the beginning — or even a little before.
And no, I didn't look it up. I'm just that big of a G.I. Joe nerd.

 

I don't know whether to smile or hang my head in nerdly shame

 

The Serpentor death was great, but tell me Larry Hama didn't crack a smile when he got to blow up Battleforce 2000?

For those non-geeks happening upon this thread, Battleforce 2000 was a group of Joes dressed up almost like bad science fiction rejects, using way-too futuristic vehicles that shot lasers and could form up into a giant fort like Voltron. There were even six of them, IIRC. The only one of any use was a pilot, Maverick, who was in a few decent issues geared toward air battles. Basically, like Serptentor, they embodied everything that went off the rails with G.I. Joe in the late 80s.
During the aforementioned "war" with Cobra in the Middle East, the sheik whose country Cobra invaded calls Cobra Commander to tell him BF2000 was on a mission and coming through a group of oil tanks. He offers $500 million to Cobra Commander not to fire on them, because it would destroy the oil. CC immediately passes the info on to one of his men, an artillery battery fires on the oil tanks, and all but one member of BF2000 is incinerated.
When the sheik asks why CC fired on them, CC replies, "Because your offer was too low."
Both a great Cobra Commander moment, and a satisfying end to an abysmal concept.

 

Oh yeah. I thought of that earlier today. I just couldn't bring myself to explain the whole thing. Nicely done. And yes, that was outstanding and I'm sure Hama loved it.

Best news I've heard yet about the movie, by the way. Hama has signed on to be a consultant.

 

Well, maybe there's hope for this boondoggle yet.

 

Oooooooooh boondoggle. Good work!

 

For Joe fans--
(you may want to turn the volume down a little if you're in the office)

 

Ok...those are just weird.