Happy Festivus!

It's time for the feats of strength.

 

Wake me up when it's time for the Airing of Grievances.

 

George, Festivus is a part of your heritage.

 

i'd rather air my grievances

 

Frank, this new holiday of yours is scratching me right where I itch.

 

Another Festivus miracle!

 

I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're going to hear about it.

 

Grievances: The local station that carries syndicated Seinfeld reruns shows two a day back to back; "The Strike" is not scheduled as one of the two today. MSNBC is a joke on the weekends. John Mayer's song "Love Song For No One" resonates far too well with my life. The BCS is a joke.

Feats of strength: Forced to accompany my mother to the local flea market (a feat of a different kind of strength) as manual labor today, I lugged an assload of grapefruit (and possibly other heavy citrus; I lost track) across the market and back to her car. As head of a solo household I have no idea who I would wrestle. Given the latter fact, I have declared that my other labors today absolve me of the wrestling match.

Not certain a Festivus miracle will occur. Hoping for a winning lottery ticket. Will settle for an attractive junior college dropout's booty call.

 

In Utah, we call the "Airing of Grievances" the "Maxhallian Vent," and in my household, the "Pouring of the Beverage" has replaced the "Feats of Strength" ...

 

We can't have Festivus without us...

 

"Festivus for the rest of us"

 

Feats of Strength: I've managed to keep my mouth shut working retail during the holidays.

Bitching: I'm broke bitches. For the love of god, someone recognize the back-breaking labor I do and give me a little raise. Just a little one. Just so my friends stop laughing at my paycheck.