gotta whole lotta lunch

Folks, I offer the following anecdote not to seek sympathy, or ridicule, but strictly for the purposes of amusement.

Context: I'm new in a small town, following a short stint in an even smaller town.  Sad to say, I've been involuntarily celibate for a while.  However, I sense that this era of deprivation is in its waning days.  Positive female attention over the past few weeks suggests that my attractiveness is reviving.

So today I visit one of my presumed prospects. "Rachel" works in a legal office.  A mutual friend of ours is hospitalized and we're taking turns looking after the friend's cat.  My mission: ask her to lunch.

My sterling pick-up skills in action:

(First, a little small talk and discussion of the cat, then...)

Irish: So how are things going around here today?
Rachel: (smiling) Really busy, kind of crazy.

(At this point, I'm planning to ask her out to lunch within the next 30 seconds. I'm distracted by thoughts of eating her up like a strawberry fruit roll-up stuffed with whipped cream. For some reason, the words "crêpe" and "suzette" cloud my mind. By brain is addled by food-sex analogies. I decide to ask her a few polite questions about her busy day at the office before asking her to lunch...)

Irish: Are you up to your ears in lunch?
Rachel: (laughs)
Irish: I mean, the reason I say that, is I was going to ask you if you wanted to go to lunch today.
Rachel: (still smiling) I'm really busy today.
Irish: Perhaps later this week then.
Rachel: (smiling still) Maybe.

(a few more moments chitchat and then goodbye)

While walking back to my office, the following images come to mind:
1. The Hindenburg, going down in flames.
2. The skier on the "Wide World of Sports" intro who breaks every bone in his body as the announcer desribes "the agony of defeat."
3. a smoking World War I biplane plummeting to the ground.
4. an above-ground nuclear weapons test.
5. Again, the Hindenburg.

Oh the humanity!

On a tangential note, this humiliation reminded me of a game we played in high school: substitute "lunch" for "love" in rock-and-roll songs.  "All You Need is Lunch," etc.  This worked best with Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love." "Way down deep inside...woman, you need...LUNCH!"

 

Yes, dear Irish, you have been blown off. Now go find someone else to ask for lunch. There's a tonne of women out there.

 

My advice to you: Start drinking heavily.

 

I'm picturing this guy ...

 

It's not really that big a deal. Before you asked her to lunch, she had already told you things were "really busy, kind of crazy." So it does make sense that she wouldn't go. Ask again later in the week or next week. If she says no twice, then maybe it's time to throw in the towel. Don't give up so easily.

 

Hmmm, I'm thinking no. 'Maybe' is a blowoff. 'Yeah, that would be great' means please ask again later in the week.

 

According to him, she was smiling when she said "maybe." So perhaps there was some flirt behind it.

 

On the otherhand, if you say fuck you with a smile, no one will think you are serious -- even when you are...

 

Smiling while saying 'maybe' is being kind. He's been blown off. Move on.

 

Irish:

for the record, the skiier on the Wide World of Sports thing walked away with no problems, although you wouldn't think that by watching the video.

I'd give Rachel a couple of pieces of chocolate - like Godiva or See's or even some Hershey Kisses. Get those images out of your head and replace them with something more positive, like the end of a romantic movie.

 

Biggest fear for men in dealing with women: rejection
Biggest fear for women in dealing with men: death