Good God, are you TRYING to put Boom out of business?

Sorry, Boomer, but Big Daddy Drew's trying to hone in on your territory.

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/11/it-wouldn%e2%80%99t-be-a-monday-without-a-good-peter-king-favrehumping.html

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/11/peter-king-and-his-beloved-boy-toys.html

 

That. Was. Awesome.

A very sad thing happened last week. Our friends at Fire Joe Morgan decided to shut down their site. But their legacy will not be forgotten. I don’t want to live in a world where people can’t repost breathtakingly inane commentary and mercilessly tear it to shreds. So it is up to each and every one of us to carry their torch, and to piss all over retard columnists as often as humanly possible.

Amen.

 

The comments had me laughing as hard as the annotations.

One guy called MMQB "Six pages of smegma."

 

And they even have a JR impostor:


JR Says:

November 24th, 2008 at 11:19 am
It’s almost like the invisible hand fisting my asshole has turned its attention to the marketplace

As much as I'd like to lay claim to that nasty bit of symbolism, I can't.

 

If you could channel the sublimated gayness of that post and those commenters, you could use it to light up Brazil.

 

I wanna know who is coloring Peter King's hair.

 

Always imitated, never duplicated.

 

Bumped for this week's evisceration.

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/peter-king-likes-his-macbook-air-far-more-than-the-marriott-shampoo.html

My favorite segment:

The amazing thing, I’m told by Justin Tuck, is that Antonio Pierce never mentioned Plaxico Burress all day Sunday.

You mean Pierce never brought up a painfully awkward legal imbroglio to teammates and coaches on a day where everyone needed to focus on work and not worry about such a glaring, horrible distraction? I’m stunned. I thought Pierce would have run around the locker room with a gun tied to his cock, screaming to everyone HOLY FUCKING SHIT! CAN YOU BELIEVE I HID THE GUN IN JERSEY?! HOW FUCKING STUPID AM I?!

5. Indianapolis (8-4). They’ve won one game this year by more than six points. I admire their pluck.

This astute analysis brought to you by Mr. Gaines from “Cheers.” “Young man, you have grit.”

6. Baltimore (8-4). A hard, but relatively friendly, remaining schedule.

A smart, but relatively idiotic sentence. Yes, out of all the teams in the AFC, the Ravens have the easiest hard schedule remaining.

11. New England (7-5)… Matthew Slater’s lucky I like his dad so much, or he’d have been my Goat of the Week for that monumental fumble on the kickoff against the Steelers, with the Patriots down only 13-10.

Yeah, Matt Slater! You’re lucky that Peter King allows his objective analysis to be clouded by personal relationships. OR ELSE YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN FUCKED. A taste of Peter King’s scorn stays with you forever! Kiss the Lord’s feet that he forgives players based purely on matters of nepotism.

 

Legendary.

 

Here's one of the greatest comments.

 

When is he on Football Night in America?

It must be the first segment b/c I tune in later to get highlights, and I haven't seen him on the show this year.

 

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/peter-king-knows-the-most-useless-employees-are-never-laid-off.html

I assume it has to be part pinky, part weather, but this is only going to add to the perception that Romo’s not a big-game quarterback… I don’t buy that perception about Romo, by the way… My other point is that Romo deserves the criticism, but let’s let his career breathe before we label him some sort of A-Rod in the clutch.

“I think people may say that Tony Romo is a choker. Now, I don’t believe he’s a choker, but I will say that the people who say he IS a choker are justified in saying he’s a choker. But I’m going to need at least four more years of seeing him assplant the pooch in big games until I’m comfortable enough to come to the exact same conclusion that every other reasonable person has already come to.”