Girls...as friends?

My best friend of 10 years is a woman who was introduced to me by mutual friends when she moved here (I think the friends intended it as a setup). Aside from a conversation after a couple of weeks of hanging out, in which we decided we'd be better off as friends, the subject has never even come up.

She's an attractive girl, and for most of the time we've known each other we've been in our 30s and desperately single. But not a single hookup, not one drunken kiss. We've traveled a lot together, slept in the same bed on occasion, and nothing. Nobody believes us, but we've always been legitimately, truly platonic.

Even though we're both happily married now, I think our parents remain heartbroken that we didn't end up together. But since my lifetime failure rate in relationships is 99 percent, if we'd hooked up we probably wouldn't be friends today, and that would suck.

I know it's rare, but it happens.

 

Thank you, Arnold.

Men and women can be friends. I have female friends in different facets of my life. I know what SC said about spreading seed is largely true, but some of us think with the correct head.

Like Arnold, I've had to dispel some ridiculous rumors hatched from overly gossipy sorts. It's amazing how some will draw some insane conclusion trying to connect dots that don't exist.

 

One of my best friends is a girl I met at work years ago. We were both married, and I became friends with her husband and she became friends with my wife. So we always did things in groups like dinner or movies or board games. We're still in touch even though we've both moved on from that job into different lives and thousands of miles apart.

But she was attractive and I still had the odd fantasy about nailing her. I have a dick, what do you expect?

 

Tonight I went to one of the hottest clubs in my town, a pretty fun town, with my best friend and four hot girls. I've known the girls for 10 years, since freshman year of high school, and while I've been attracted to each of them at different points, never uh, "liked" them.

They are four of my best friends, and I cherish our friendships. They are AWESOME wingmen (women?) and give me incredible confidence walking into a club, especially when five guys buy me beers just because I'm with them. In the last three nights they've been here, we've gotten VIP service every night, front of the line, no cover and no wait. That's fun, too.

So, yes, you can be friends.

Of course, this is coming from someone who was in love with one of his best friends and tried ... and failed ... to make it more than that.
Ah well...

Great, great night.

 

True that. My wife and I met in January 1995 and struck up a fast, firm friendship that lasted after she left our paper in 1999 and went to North Carolina while I left for Mississippi later that year. We kept in contact through the years and all the moves and one weekend, while on a trans-Atlantic phone call, I decided to finally go and visit for a week or so.

I did and five days later we got married. Been four years now. I just wish we'd done it a lot sooner.

 

But you'd hit any one of them if they asked, right? That's why you're not just friends.

 

My two best friends are both girls -- one I've known since third grade, dated at the end of high school, and have stayed close since; the other I've known since seventh grade and never dated, traveled together, slept in the same bed together numerous times, gone out of my way to help and visit, etc., always close.

My other closest friend, who died way, way too young a few years ago, was also a girl.

So it's absolutely possible. Sometimes you have to have the conversation to figure things out, if there is mutual attraction. Sometimes you have to try a relationship, and figure out that it's better off as a friendship. Sometimes, the relationship never develops for one reason or another. Sometimes, it's unrequited attraction and that person has to swallow their pride before the friendship can work.

In all cases, the friendship's important enough to keep so you do what you have to do to keep that person in your life.

 

Well, no, A_B, because they all have boyfriends. But of course I would, I'm a guy. That doesn't make us more than just friends. Why would it?

 

Buckweaver: Sorry for your loss, man. Peace to you.

As for the friendship thing: It's complicated. All my life, my best friends have been female. My wife didn't understand that very well for, oh, the first 10 years we were married. She's more comfortable with it now -- nothing untoward ever happened, or would -- but I did have to "explain" myself very frequently to her.

 

Through my newspaper work and my community involvement, I have become friends with a number of women. These are women I feel very comfortable with and they obviously feel comfortable with me to where can discuss anything. For someone who grew up very shy and somewhat uncomfortable while talking to girls/women, I think I've made an amazing transformation to where I am today. Any my loving wife of 22 years knows of these lady friends and is cool with it, just as long I don't cross the line.

One of my closest confidants is the secretary for our county's board of supervisors. We're in our early 40s. We first met when our sons were in kindergarten (the boys are now college freshmen), and we've been involved in a lot of things together: the PTA, youth sports, Scouts, United Way, organzing golf tournament a local education fund, etc. I think friendship grew stronger after her younger son was born with the same physical impairment my daughter had a few years earlier. We can relate to everything we go through our children. In fact, her older son is considering sports journalism as a career, and I've given him advice on how to pursue it. My friend and I can discuss things in person or over the telephone in a professional manner for a few minutes and then turn right around and laugh, giggle and carry on for at least an hour. I have to admit, some of our beer-fueled conversations while riding in the golf cart together during the golf tournament we organized would give others reason to wonder if we've crossed the line.

About a month ago, I was visiting her in her office when she remembered she had something in her SUV to give me - a can of Boy Scout popcorn I bought from her to help her younger son. She walked together to her vehicle parked on a city street. She reached into the vehicle, found the popcorn can and handed it to me. When I looked at her and she looked at me, I swear it seemed we just froze for a few seconds. I damn near had a Joe Namath Moment. I had the urge to say, "I want to kiss you." I guess the thought of us how awkward it would appear if I actually said it snapped me out of it.

And to follow up what RexHarrison said earlier, Yeah, I've had thoughts about nailing my friend . She can be smoking hot when she wears her low-cut blouses and tight skirts, and she wears those to work often. But I feel if I make one pass at her in a sexual way it would jeopardize our friendship.

 

I don't have a whole lot more to add, but it is definitely possible to be a man and have female friends. Most of my friends, at least in my current city, are female.

It's not to say that at some point there was attraction to them, I can pretty much say I've wanted to nail almost each and every one of my female friends, but eventually, if you like the person enough as a friend and know them long enough, that feeling goes away. Although it makes for an odd dynamic, it most definitely can be done.

 

I have always gotten along better with men than women. It started with me liking sports and being tomboyish, but it has continued as I find women are just too catty. I have many more male friends than I do female friends, and my bf is fine with most all of them. He has his concerns about one or two others, but I am trying to make him understand that sometimes men and women really are just friends.

And besides, even if said friend(s) wanted to jump me, I'd have to want to jump them back. And I don't.