Funniest thing you couldn't laugh at

So I am in my doctor's waiting room reading last year's SI College Basketball preview edition, when a nurse steps out with a clipboard and calls out, "Mr. Stumps please?"

Then, from around the corner comes a wheelchair with a double-amputee who lost his legs just above the knee. Mr. Stumps. I wanted to friggin die laughing. I was looking for Alan Funt because there was no way it could be real, but it was. That incident may have been the hardest time I have ever had not laughing out loud. I mean, this beats those times when you are at the urinal next to your boss and some guy in the stall rips out a giant fart. You SO WANT TO LAUGH, but just hold it in for the good of yourself.

Anyone else have something like this happen?

 

In college, my soccer teammates and I were eating lunch at a burger joint and a one-armed guy walks in.

One of the guys sitting with us mumbles, "He's faking it."

Didn't know whether to laugh or sock him. Did neither, but I was certain he bought his ticket to hell with that comment.

 

Saw a one-armed dude working both sides of a toll booth in Tuscaloosa once.

I didn't know whether to laugh or give the guy a hand.

 

Genocide.

 

In college, I worked in a retail store that had an upstairs and ground level. One day, my boss says to me, "I think the guy upstairs needs some help. Could you give him a hand?" So I trot upstairs to help him, and I'm horrified to see he has only one arm. That was rough.

 

i set a one-armed man up for murder.

 

Brad Renfro's death.

 

A woman gets on the subway today and gives the usual: "Ladies and gentlemen, sorry to bother you, but I'm just trying to feed my family and me. I'm broke, and I'm hoping you can help with a little change. I have a performance for you..."

She then takes a drum off her back -- it's a big drum, the kind you'd find in a marching band, only it's barely held together with duct tape -- and places it on the floor.

She kneels over it, pulls out drum sticks and gives it a left-right-left-right, a little rat-a-tat-tat.

Then she "sings" ...

"I am sooooo broke!"

Rat-a-tat-tat.

"It's no jooooke! I am sooooo broke!"

Rat-a-tat-tat.

"I am sooooo broke!"

Rat-a-tat-tat.

"Thank you. Can anyone please help?"

So hard no to laugh at what seemed like an SNL skit unfolding before me, but like she said, it's no joke. Very sad.

 

That's like in KIDS: "I have no legs. I have no legs."

 

back when i was a high school sophomore, a group of us were hanging out in our gym. a lower grade (our junior high and HS shared the same campus) was playing indoor soccer for gym class. one of them was very. very. VERY fat.

 

That's a great story, UB. I find most of the funniest stuff I can't laugh at - is on here.

 

1.) Saw a cheerleader at a major high-profile college program fall to the ground after getting hit in the face with a flask that a student threw at her. I laughed.

2.) Bit my lip when a co-worker noticed a Muslim employee, who was wearing a burka, and asks, "So when did we start hiring Al Qada?" So, so, so wrong (laugh at something politically incorrect, and your ass will get fired)....