Funeral Etiquette

Thanks. It sounds like everyone has a slightly different take on it, but all involve being sensitive and respectful in whatever way best fits the scene.

 

then there's the school of thought that suggests you speak loudly, slurp coffee and talk on the phone during the service until you can snap a shot of the open casket

 

I've only ever been to three funerals on the company's time...one was actually a wake, for a fire chief, one was for a scoutmaster that got hit by lightning and killed, and one was for a soldier that died in Iraq.
The fire chief's wake was the easiest...they had people there to talk to us, and his brother (also a firefighter) made a statement.
The scoutmaster's funeral sucked...the family wasn't happy to see us, but there were people there from BSA who showed us around.
For the soldier (and infer what you will about this), there was nobody there, it was all pell-mell, and I spent most of the service across the street at the VFW hall. On the plus side, I was able to get some great color from them, and I could walk in unfettered when they had the mercy meal there afterward.
Common denominator: wear a coat and tie, if you're asked to leave, don't argue and don't do anything that might draw attention to yourself.

 

I think that's the most important aspect of any of the advice you've been given here. Regardless of whether it's best to be a fly on the wall or sign the guest list or write notes as discreetly as possible, remember that this is someone's son or daughter, someone's husband or wife, someone's mother or father, someone's sister or brother, someone's best friend, someone's favorite neighbor, etc.

They may be important in your paper's eyes. They'll mean the world to at least one pair of wet eyes.

 

Don't forget to assess the value of the corpse's jewelry and sneak it off when no one's looking.

 

From an editorial standpoint, the funeral serves as kind of a jumping-off point. If it's someone who's well-known, it marks the period where you can stop talking about the person they were, and start looking ahead to who replaces them, how things will change, etc. If it was a tragic death, it's when you stop talking about their legacy and start talking about how it happened and how it could have been avoided.
In other words, it's like the purpose of the funeral for everyone else — it's when the grieving stops and life starts to go on.

 

Which makes some sense, I suppose. That's what's happening in the community now -- the provincial education minister wants schools to stop travelling by 15 passenger van until the end of the year; there's questioning over the safety of the vehicles; discussion over memorials for the kids and so on (Sorry, I'm referring to the tragedy in Bathurst, N.B. here). I guess I would argue that it's probably too soon to do that -- grief is not a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday process in a town of 12,000 people where everybody knows everybody.
The driver buried his wife on Thursday in a private service. It wasn't the media spectacle that it was for the seven kids. Yet she died in the same accident. Why the double standard? Because she was 51 and had lived longer? Or it wasn't as dramatic as seven caskets at the front of an arena and an overflow crowd?

 

The last funeral I attended as a reporter was Davey Allison's.

I stood about 10 feet away from "special musical guest" Joe Diffie as he performed one of Davey's favorite songs. Mentioned the song in my story and how moved grieving widow Liz Allison seemed by his performance.

Little did I know that Liz and Joe had more in common that just one of his songs ...

 

Let me ask one thing....why would you sign the guestbook? You are there as an observer, not really paying your respects.

 

Sometimes it's both. I've covered the funerals of a couple of sources I covered and respected, and I knew the families to the point I worried they would be insulted if I didn't sign the guest book.

I don't like covering the funerals of people I know - I've started a thread about it in the past - but in the end it makes for a better story because I can write about them in life and death.

And, IIRC, one family asked all the media to sign the guestbook so they could have a record of everyone who was there covering it - obviously they were proud to have the media attention.

 

If I was close to the person in life, I've always felt like I wanted to sign the guestbook at the funeral. But, on this last funeral, I only came to the story after the person died, so it felt different. Not sure I can explain why.

Anyway, when I entered the church, the greeters asked if I'd signed yet. It seemed important to them that everyone who entered signed, so I did, out of respect for the families wishes.