Fun with captions, DMN version

From Wednesday's Dallas Morning News Metro cover:

 

"Damn man, this battery low on fluid! Lemme fill it up ... BRZZZT!"

 

After the engine caught fire, John, left, and Carl quickly put out the flames without the use of a hose. Carl then examined the source of the blaze.

 

It doesn't matter how much you show off if you can't get it cranked.

 

Darius "Day-Day" Washington, left and Sean "Short Dog" Hill attempt to work on their 1992 Acura Integra in the parking lot of a local Denny's on Wednesday, August 30, 2006, in Dallas. (AP photo/Mon Stertitz)

 

Following their arrest, the boys claimed they were just following the principal's orders to get a belt.

 

"Pimp My Ride" was cancelled by MTV today, much to the shagrin of Ronnie and Jeff.

 

Since the Doc stole my usual schtick:

Maurice Clarett (right) and his cousin, Alfonzo, gear up for their audition for "Fast and the Furious 5: The Streets of Youngstown."

 

Amateur mechanics Rusty (left) and JJ (right) have trouble replacing a timing belt.

 

" ... And the captain said 'Because Tuesday is your turn in the barrel engine compartment.'"

 

How is the dude on the left keeping his shorts from falling to his ankles? And when the shorts are that long, don't they qualify as capri pants aka man-pris?

 

"Real Men of Genius:

Today we salute you, Mr. Really Low Shorts Wearer."