Five things you wish you'd written

Sirs, Madames,

The Sweet Science
Joe Gould's Secret
Light in August
Blood Meridian
The Game (because if I had written it there'd at least be a scintilla of humour)

YD&OHS, etc

 

1) A really good screenplay for Elvis.
2) An episode of "The Rockford Files."
3) That damn story that's due in 20 minutes.
4) The beneficiaries page of Warren Buffet's will.
5) A thank-you note to my parents.

 

At risk of sounding like an arrogant ass, I'm going to pick things I think I actually could have written. For Whom The Bell Tolls is my favorite novel, but I don't have that in me. These are things that I regret having not gotten to first -- I like to think that, if given only the right mix of drugs, circumstance, starlight, experience, and good fortune, I might have pushed out something like them.

1) The Things They Carried: I think I should have gone to war at some point in my life. I think every writer worth a nut writes about war.

2) Into the Wild: A short, perfect book, written with great restraint. But it's the idea that I regret not having stolen. One of those ideas that was hanging out there on the vine.

3) The screenplay for Capote: I think I have a script in me. I would have liked it to have been this one.

4) The Executioner's Song: Mammoth reporting, but pretty straight-forward writing, which is it's secret. This book was there for anyone willing to do the work and willing to think big enough.

5) The Devil in the White City: I studied urban planning, and the killer lived in one of my hometowns. I knew both of them well before the book came out. I just never made the connection. Sometimes the secret to writing something great is just seeing something everybody else sees, only differently.


And one thing that I couldn't have written in a million years:

6) "First Breath After Coma" by Explosions in the Sky. I wish I had music like that just running in my head.

 

No. 5 shows Breslin's brilliance at its best.

Way to find the angle.

Those are five all-timers. Thanks.

 

You're welcome.

Breslin writing about JFK's grave-digger is just a remarkable job all around — Breslin, for the idea and the words, the editor, for allowing him to write about it, and the grave-digger, for being incredibly open. I love that column.

Reminds me of Don Larsen's perfect game. Murray Kempton of the New York Post ignored conventional wisdom and walked into the visitor's dugout and talked about the OTHER pitcher. That takes some stones.

I found a beautiful obit about Kempton by Lupica —
http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/sports/1997/05/06/1997-05-06_his_words_never_failed.html

 

A good story.

 

Catch-22
A Modest Proposal
Heart of Darkness
Miss Lonelyhearts/Day of the Locust OR The Crying of Lot 49 (tie)
Don King Friars Roast Piece in SI

Also receiving votes: The Five People You Meet in Heaven, since ESPN.com editors can't object and/or eliminate if and when you're making fun of your own work.

 

God, there are so many, but I'll give it a shot.

Classic novel division: "Of Mice and Men"
Body of work division: Pretty much any book by Carl Hiaasen
Body of work division, part deux: The collected columns (and BLOGS! of Joe Posnanski)
Screenplay division: "Juno"
Sentimental division: Ken Burger's column on being a sports writer

I have to say there are others I would include if not for the implications of having written them. For Wright Thompson to write the phenomenal story about his dad, he had to lose his dad. For Jim Murray to write that great column about his sight, he had to lose his sight. As much as I wish I could write like those guys, I'm glad I'm not in a position to write those particular pieces.

 

1. The expose that brought Alan Eagleson to his knees
2. Ghost writer for Grapes by Don Cherry ... simply because the grammer, spelling and punctuation in it is atrocious
3. The bass line in Kashmir
4. The Cider House Rules
5. A goodbye letter to my father

 

A Hiassen fan ... well, I'll be damned. I loved Basket Case.

 

1. The Magic Flute
2. Tree of Smoke
3. Lonesome Dove
4. The Last Picture Show
5. Moving On