First-world problems

Sometimes the systems that fly my $16M helicopter don't work and I have to manually fly it like an $8M bird.

 

Paid $2.69 for a 44-ounce sweet green iced tea at Sonic and the cup was filled almost to the top with ice. If I wanted that much ice I would have ordered a slush.

 

This is why I hate going through the Taco Bell drive through. I'm paying $2 for a cup of ice with a splash of soda. The day I realized my local TB got a self-serve soda machine (instead of having the employees fill your cup) was a much happier day for me than it should have been.

 

Not only is the inflight wifi slow, but today my company changed how we log into webmail and I can't access my email.

 

My innie belly button seems to be turning into an outie.

 

A co-worker brought a box of donuts to the office this morning and someone ripped one in half and ate half of it.

Dammit, eat the whole thing or eat half a throw the rest away. Nobody is going to eat the gnarled half you left behind. It's just going to sit in the box all day, and still be there in the morning unless the last one out tonight (usually me) throws the box in the trash.

 

What if it was cut with a knife?

 

I ordered that martini stirred, not shaken, damn it!

 

Bird crap on my car window today, and the automatic car wash nailed everything but the bird crap.

 

I'm beginning to feel a little self-conscious about still using a flip phone.

 

Better but still not good. It's a donut, you've blown your diet by eating half of it. Three more bites won't kill you.