First day at new job stories...

Very well-played.

 

You know how long it took me to find a photo of Buckweaver in a suit?

 

Clubhouse lawyers (both on and off the field) well-represented, there.

 

The best story I can recall along these lines was a first day on the job that never happened.

A couple years ago on an SE's last day at a small daily before moving on to a new gig, he got popped for a DUI and possession of marijuana. Suddenly he was out of work at two locations.

 

First manual labor job I ever had, age 16 -- scooping ice cream in the local mall with a damned black bowtie as part of the uniform. First week, bossman takes me into the walk-in freezer where all the reserve product is. It's caked with ice from ceiling to floor. Probably 50-60 drums of ice cream in there and they can't get more than three or four out of the freezer because the rest are covered with ice. He hands me a hammer and says 'We need to access every drum in here.'
I swing that hammer for 90 straight minutes in this freezer with the door shut. By the time I'm done, I'm shin-deep in busted ice. I walk out, and all the cute girls working the counter walk in to see the damage and I'm their instant favorite because they couldn't do what I did without breaking their nails. Thought I was about to get a couple of strong dates out of it. One problem - I can't let go of the hammer. Finger joints frozen solid and my hand was positively purple. Ran sink water over my hand for 10 minutes - nothing. Bossman sent me to the walk-in med clinic in the mall, and they said another 10 minutes and I'd have been the first person in history to be frostbitten in Florida. Hand wasn't back to normal for a week. I filed worker's comp on him.